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Heya all, I'm just sorta checking in as the last week of my vacation is starting just to ramble a bit about how Things Are Doing™!

Vacation has been restful, and things are on track for resuming in August. Didn't get a lot done (but that's sort of the point! so it's a good thing), but did manage to finish like, one and some change commissions. Still picking away at those, and will continue to do so. I really do want to finish what i owe still, especially since there will most likely be a time i'd need to open emergency commissions to take care of surprise expenses, which are more likely than ever. And I can't exactly feel like that's a thing I can do with outstanding orders already behind me. So continue working on them i will. However, next time, i'll have to stick to simpler commissions, i think.

Despite taking the month off, the month has been rough cuz at this point, it's hard not to associate summer with my mom's illness and passing last year. The anniversary of her passing is coming up; It'd be a year already on the 7th of August, and it's been on my mind basically at any point i let it wander. It's difficult to enjoy the summer still and i'm unsure i ever will in an official capacity. (and unfortunately a LOT of friends' birthdays want to happen during this time to, lol. So it's a struggle xD)

Luckily, keeping busy has helped as always. Video games like Fire Emblem (letting me enjoy My Boy™) have been nice. I've had time to grieve a bit at least, but i'm still incredibly angry, looking back at how it all went down. Objectively, it could've been way worse; I recognized that then, and recognize that now. But it's still difficult not to find my self occasionally seething that if just one more thing went right, it could've been a bit better for all parties involved, y'know? The two voices i've crafted in my head are constantly fighting, shouting "The world should like, Totally Burn™😈 " and "NO Verzi this isn't your heart!!". Who'll win out? no one can say. It's difficult when your heroes and loved ones are continually let down by society, and every -ism you can think of. So i think a little burning would help. ;P

All that said, i'm doing "fine." The reorganizing of my household definitely means i have less time and energy to actually draw due to increased responsibilities and the fact i have no transportation of my own anymore, plus more expenses to pay. So it's a bit rough in that regard. Either way, we're hanging in there, That's all anyone can hope for, i suppose! I often look back to my 2016-2019 productivity, when  was streaming twice weekly, belting out like 12 pics weekly with 10 patreon figures AND commissions. Those were days, lmao. I miss those, but i guess i can just only accept that's a bar that would be unreasonable to even attempt to meet given current circumstances.

But yeah, things will be Resuming in August. Again, thanks for the support and whatnot!

Comments

Negi Onion

While it's not the same, I remember when my dog Lucy died... I recall shutting myself off and playing FFXIV trying to make things feel better by taking my mind off it, while also having moments where I'd cry for ages for her (I still cry for here these days)... I guess I could say something cheesy like "no matter how much we move on, we will always remember those we've lost" Hold onto you memories Verzi be they good ones or bad, and tell yourself they wouldn't want you dwelling on the past but instead looking to the future and embracing your dreams. You may or may not know it but you've inspired alot of people with your art, sure it may be crazy belly themed stuff, but besides that, you've inspired me to draw & develop my art and potentially inspired other people to draw too... Things I'm sure your mother would be proud off.