Red Riot - Chapter 19 - Lucky red dress (Patreon)

Character list: - including this here for ease of reference.

Matsu:- The MC, a Kiri Chunin, with Uzumaki traits.

Himeko:- Kaguya clanswoman with their Kekkei Genkai, Genin, and violence enthusiast

Sharkbait:- real name ???, Genin that trained with Matsu, skilled combatant, expert bait for sharks

Hideo Munashi:- One of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, Wielder of Shibuki - the exploding blade

Jonin Akiko - Matsu’s Sensei and exasperated mentor of other children

Yumi:- Geisha of the Land of Vegetables, Matsu has plans for her

Hana:- Handmaiden and younger girl who acts as Yumi’s helper

Madam Yubaba:- Port Potato Okiya (Geisha den) matron, person who hired Kiri nin to secure Yumi’s procession.

Lord Edo:- The Lord that Madam Yubaba is claiming has sired Yumi. Unpopular man who has lots of enemies. Yubbaba hopes to cash in on this enmity. She just needs Yumi to survive Edo’s backlash.

__________________________________________ 

Before we departed from Potato Port there were several tasks that needed to be completed. 

The first was the distribution of flyers announcing that Yumi would be setting off for a tour of the Land of Vegetables. 

The flyer pronounced various things on it such as how she was a jade beauty with few peers. How she was a generous soul, which was proven by her gifting food wherever she went. The flyers were basically to hype her up and get word spread faster than just our own speed of transport.

We’d make sure to spread this around to the various merchants so that people throughout the Land of Vegetables, and even a few neighbouring nations, would have chances to read about Yumi and how great she was. 

At first glance, this would seem counterproductive, especially after I’d gone out of my way to silence the observers. But I couldn’t keep hiding from the Lord who wanted her dealt with an alert that she’d set off. Not that I expected much from the man.

I honestly wanted him to attack us. It would serve to improve Yumi’s epic tale. It would just be controlled by us, not them. Pamphlets after all would take a long time to spread around.

Also, I would need people to point Himeko Kaguya at. I had no doubt that the majority of the tasks that we would be performing for this mission would see her growing more and more frustrated. She was a warrior after all, not some maid.

This meant that the other tasks, such as adjusting outfits, selecting clothes, arranging transport, and vetting routes fell on myself and Sharkbait.

I couldn’t linger too long in Potato Port either as I needed to create hype and have it build. So fast transport was a must which meant we were forking out for a carriage. Not horses though as I had Himeko find a local drug den and had her rob a set of four strong-looking horses. 

When she returned with five horses, a grin, and a bit of blood on her I knew we weren’t going to have any further issues and I didn’t question it any further. 

Yumi, as our VIP found herself trapped in the middle of a hurricane of tasks that moved around her. I stitched up dresses and adjusted the cuts of others. I had her walk down a hallway while running her through a variety of situations. 

She was sadly very underwhelming by my standards. Then again Granny back home ran a tight ship. 

“No, you need to roll your hips not pop them. One denotes grace and seduction while the other implies that you’re about to break a hip,” I said as Yumi strutted her stuff in front of me. 

Yumi shot me a venomous look. “How is it that a shinobi, a trained killer of all people, knows how to knit, embroider, and mince?”

“I’m a man of many talents and interesting upbringings,” I said without missing a beat. “Now smile like I just said something especially witty, that will drive the nobles that we’re going to have you talking with wild,” I said. 

Yumi’s face scrunched up and she gave a passable attempt at a titter. 

“Good,” I said as I ran the needle back and forth through the silk cloth. 

I was cheating by using chakra but it made for a wonderful control exercise so I didn’t mind. 

“You need to make your eyes sparkle a little more though. For some you might add a hint of ‘I know something you don’t’ to be playful while others will require straight-out flattery,” I said before glancing up and demonstrating both. When I was done I tucked my hair back into a loose knot with a twist of my wrist and chakra. 

Yumi shot me another exasperated look while the Madam, who’d taken to sitting in the corner watched on with amusement. I could tell from the size of her smile she rather thought she’d spent her money very well. 

She, if anything, gained confidence in me the more I ran Yumi through drills to maximise the young Geisha’s skills. “Let’s run the tea ceremony,” I said with a faint smile. 

Yumi gave a defeated nod and moved to collect the tea set leaving me with the Madam who was aware of what I’d just done. She arched an eyebrow and I just smiled. “Any interest in giving up a girl to act as Yumi’s handmaiden?” I asked casually. 

Madam Yubaba pursed her lips. “Hmmm, usually I would say that doing such would deny me a girl in the future as she’d be ruined to the life, but in this case, it might be a good idea to have someone watching,” she said. 

I merely nodded knowing that Yubaba would try and copy what we did most likely but she’d fall short in a lot of different ways that an Okiya Madam simply could replicate. 

“We’ll depart tomorrow,” I said, “In the meantime, I come bearing gifts from Madam Merin; she’d rather like to make your acquaintance,” I said casually. 

Which was a bald-faced lie. Granny hadn’t known I’d do this. Rei was the one who wanted to do this. Granny wouldn’t have anything to do with it beyond being a fake front, one I’d have to be careful with unless I drew shinobi attention to her. 

The plan, such as it was and discussed with Rei before I left had been to make contact with as many Madam’s of the various Okiya within the Land of Vegetables. 

Something we were going to be doing a lot of. A Geisha commencement after all usually had her staying and wooing young men, and sometimes the odd woman at the local Okiya.

If the town we would stay at didn’t have one? Well, there was always a reputable inn, but I had looked over a map and gotten a brief rundown on whose land was whose and come up with an idea. 

In the meantime, I’d do the legwork to build up Rei a small network of informants. 

Yes, letters would be slow and could be intercepted or altered, or even untrue in general, but Rei had mentioned wanting to try her hand at being a spymistress so I’d help her dip her toes in the waters. 

I produced a fine-looking pipe that I’d stolen in the last few days. The Madam whistled in appreciation and accepted it along with the fake letter. When Yumi returned with the Tea set, Madam Yubaba had her new pipe lit with some tobacco and was the picture of dignified indulgence as she held her gift. 

“Yumi,” she said exhaling a long torrent of smoke. “Inform Hana that she shall be joining you. She is to pack for…” Yubaba shot me a look.

“Two months, “ I supplied, earning me a look of disbelief. I merely smiled, knowing that even with the cart and horses, the plan that I had mapped out should take a civilian at least twice that. 

But then again we were shinobi. 

Also, I was a shinobi who planned on cheating. 

If I wanted, I could have it done a lot faster. I suspected that Akiko hadn’t wanted this to be a quick mission though. 

This was about making things die down and continuing to give me a chance to grow.

I gave an enigmatic smile to Madam Yubaba and held up the dress I’d been embroidering. “I think this will make for a nice bit of eveningwear, no?”

The dress was a nice little red number with flames running up the edges. 

A long slit up the side where Yumi’s leg would peek out would no doubt send more than a few eyes and hands wandering. It wasn’t something you would see a common woman wear, that was for certain.

Yumi bit her lip to stop herself from saying the first thing that must have come to her mind. Madam Yubaba, as an older and therefore less restrained individual gaped. “I think you missed your calling boy, are you sure you don’t want to work for me?”

I smirked. “No, no I don’t think I missed my calling at all,” I said. I shot her a wink. “You can work for me though,” I said with a laugh. 

She giggled, not knowing just how I planned to make that statement true in the far-off future.AS Yumi began the Tea ceremony for what must have been the fifth time in the last two days, I reached into a bag and pulled out a water balloon. 

The women in the room didn’t even bat an eye as it contorted and twisted, bulging in certain sections. They were well used to my antics. When it burst in a shower of water I caught the water with a bowl I’d set up early. 

Once again, neither woman batted an eye having grown used to this odd behaviour. When they’d asked I’d just smiled and shrugged. There was no point in sharing the truth. 

Chances were no one would believe I was training a powerful jutsu, but it didn’t pay to be sloppy about these sorts of things. 

The next morning we loaded up Yumi’s chest of dresses, her wardrobe of clothes and other small nicknacks along with Hana’s personal effects into a carriage and set off with a train of four horses pulling the wagon. 

I set a gruelling pace for them and within an hour they were lathered with sweat and blowing. I pulled over and wiped them all off. Yumi chose that moment to approach. “They won’t be able to keep up that speed,” she said eying the trembling in their legs. 

I grunted, my attention focussed elsewhere as my hand glided its way across one horse’s body. A familiar chakra signature drifted in close to observe us before drifting away. 

Yumi watched me and when I approached the flank of the horse she hissed. “You really shouldn’t walk behind a horse,” she said. 

I shot her a look. “If a horse is fast enough to kick me, it deserves to kick me,” I said. 

Not that it would. The horse was effectively doped while I ran my hand over it applying the healing palm to fix any torn muscles or ligaments while promoting growth. 

I smirked. By the time this trip was over these Horses would run faster than the wind, and I’d have a lot more experience with the Mystic Palm. Still, I’d probably get bored of this by the third stop. 

I eyed the road ahead and gave Sharkbait and Himeko a look. “Anything?” I asked them. 

They shook their head. Himeko even kicked the ground. “Maybe we should have kept one or two of those observers alive but roughed up so they could call in reinforcements.”

I chewed my lip. Was it wrong that part of me agreed with her?

I just shook my head. “We’ll just have to find our own fun. Maybe there will be some honest bandits or Highwaymen?” I offered. 

Himeko perked up at this and for the rest of the day, she would dart ahead before coming back with a slightly dejected look. 

I merely waved her concerns away. “A decent bandit would wait for a day or so to be out of the range of any patrols from Lord Popo,” I said. I had to repress the urge to smile. Lord Popo, in charge of Potato Port just made me think of Mr Potato head. 

It said a lot that the Lord hadn’t nixed the idea when it was raised as a name and instead ran with it. Then again in another fact was that I barely saw any homeless, druggies, or streetwalkers in town. Everything was neat and most people looked healthy and well fed. 

Which, for this time period, spoke volumes of Lord Popo. 

Sadly he was happily married with three children, so I couldn’t initiate my plan of boosting Yumi’s acclaim with a visit to him. The Lady Popo, might for instance not take too kindly to a woman coming in on her turf. 

As I continued to push the horses Yumi gained a worried look that slowly morphed into a look of disbelief. Eventually, she just threw her hands in the air and proclaimed “This is obviously some sort of Ninja magic! What do you do? Whisper a magic word in their ears to make them ignore their fatigue and run further and harder than any normal man could get them?”

I smiled. “Is that what you think I do?” I said moving up and pretending to whisper in the horse's ear even as I coursed healing chakra through the tired horse. It sort of reminded me of a certain group of elves from a fictional series. 

Heh, I sort of was pulling off a trick like them, wasn’t I?

I paused. Huh, I could use that for Yumi’s hype. The trick would be to make her actually good with horses, enough to encourage the rumour. I started drafting a plan to have her ride the last horse that I had attached to the carriage. 

It had just gotten elevated from backup horse/food supply to something of actual use. I’d broach the topic with Yumi tonight and have her riding by the end of the day. If she got a sore backside? Well, that was simply good conditioning for her figure.

Plan in mind I continued treating the horses and getting them fit to run.

With half an hour’s rest, we were back on the road, the horses doing what would easily be three to four hours of normal travel in each section. We only stopped for a longer lunch to let the now ravenous horses eat their fill of oats and grass. I helped their bodies speed along the digestive process, my mind cataloguing what was happening. Did something similar happen with the Akimichi and their clan jutsu? It bore consideration and I marked it down as yet another thing I’d work on during this mission. 

As soon as we got past what would normally take a day and a half of travel by carriage, we encountered a tree over the road. 

Himeko bounced in her seat. We’d known this was coming for almost ten minutes now and she’d been like a small tiny dog waiting to slip her leash. 

She eyed me. “They still coming right?” she said her eyes darting to the tree. 

I nodded. “Yes, Himeko, it looks like they are,” I said feeling more like a parent to a child who was calling out if we were there yet rather than the nominal leader of our tiny group of ninja. 

Sharkbait positioned himself to guard the back and shot the downed tree a final look. “Poor dumb buggers,” he muttered before turning his head away. 

I shared the sentiment. 

When a man stopped out to smirk at us and demand our money, our goods, and our ladies I waved Himeko onwards. 

She hopped off the carriage and trotted forward. 

Yumi, who couldn’t help herself it seemed peered at Himeko. “Is she going to be alright?” she said. 

“I pity the bandits,” I said as I fished around for a snack.

Yumi blinked. “But… she’s a little girl? Hana’s age?” she said gesturing at her small companion. 

I snorted and Sharkbait chuckled. “You see a little girl,” I said propping my chin in my hand. “What I see is a wolf walking into a den of piglets,” I said before smirking. “And there’s no brick house to save these little pigs,” I said, alluding to my past life’s fairy tale about the three little pigs and the wolf.

I only got confused looks back. They didn’t last long as the Bandit made the extremely bad decision to draw a dagger and attempt to stab Himeko. She backhanded him and I clinically watched as his arm bent.

He could only stare in shock at the bent limb before slowly looking up and staring into the grinning visage of Himeko. 

He started screaming just like a pig only to fall silent a moment later. 

I reached behind me and tugged the window of the carriage closed so Yumi couldn’t see what happened next. 

It didn’t stop her from hearing it though. 

Screams and shouts along with the sound of general combat broke out. I tracked it all with my chakra sense. I kept my body loose and free, just in case I needed to move at a moment’s notice, but I wasn’t expecting some run-of-the-mill bandits to offer much a threat to Himeko.

No, that came from the other chakra source that was, after spending a few days on the ship with him, all too familiar. Hideo was playing games.

Sharkbait didn’t even bother to stop checking over the tree. When he started hacking at it with a sword I shimmied down and started working with him using what jutsu we knew between us to break down the tree. 

“Water bullet?” Sharkbait suggested. 

I shook my head ignoring the wet gurgling coming from the trees. “Nah it’ll just bludgeon it. We need to hack or slice it,” I said. I tilted my head. “Or blow it up?”

Sharkbait perked up. “I have some explosive tags!” he offered. 

I considered it before shaking my head. “Might need them later on. Hang onto them. Let’s try cutting it with a water whip. If we go thin and link both sides we might be able to saw the tree up,” I said. 

We set about doing that as the battle in the woods continued behind us.

By the time Himeko returned, slinking up to me like a satisfied cat, Sharkbait and I had broken up the tree and gotten ready to roll out. 

The window into the carriage slowly slid open. 

There was a long moment of silence as we got underway for the final time today. By my estimate, we’d made about two to three day’s worth compared to a normal civilian’s rate of travel. 

Yumi’s voice called out tremulous voice called out. “Are they…?” she didn’t seem to be able to say what she was very loudly thinking.

“Dead?” I offered. 

Yumi loudly swallowed and I felt her chakra bob up and down with a nod. I nodded back. I then looked at Himeko. “Get any good loot?” I asked. 

She snorted and tossed me a sack of coins and some food. “Just this. Their weapons were trash,” she said. 

I merely grunted and tossed it under my seat for later consideration. 

“That’s it?” Yumi said in disbelief. 

I glanced back and gave her a lazy look of appraisal before shaking my head. “Yumi, you seem to be struggling with this a lot today so I’ll say it clearly and slowly.” 

I put a hand on my chest. “We are shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Mist. We are not some children who happen to have a few skills. Each one of us is a skilled combatant.”

Yumi’s eyes darted from me to Sharkbait. They didn’t need to move to Himeko, Yumi had seen the opening exchange of blows after all. Sharkbait raised his hands, showing off open palms before with a flick of his wrists. A kunai was suddenly in each hand. Another flick and the blades were gone. 

Yumi swallowed and nodded. “I’m… in your care,” she said carefully, now fully understanding that she very much was a sheep walking with wolves guarding her. 

Then again we weren’t that bad. If anything we were like sheepdogs we weren’t going to turn on her after all. 

Part of me was a little sad at the fear in her eyes, but another was glad that she’d lost a little naivety. I was worried there for a while. She seemed a good honest girl. 

I rubbed my chin and pushed those thoughts aside. She might be good, but she’d need to learn a bit more to get a happy ending for her story. 

She was a Geisha after all and not all of them ended up with nice marriages or arrangements with nobility. 

Hopefully, she’d grow up a little on this journey. She’d need it after all. We wouldn’t be guarding her forever. 

When we stopped that night we set a watch. During my shift, I pondered on what it meant that Hideo was lurking. Was he just being a bastard? Or was this some form of low cunning on his part?

He had a mission to look for a Uzumaki. And most Uzumaki were known for their vibrant red hair. If I were a betting man, word of a red-haired kid wandering around with a Geisha might get spread around. If I was a survivor of Uzushio’s destruction, I might just try to help said kid. 

So, the most likely situation was that Hideo was hoping to use me as bait.

That night I started to hide my hair once again under a cloth as much as I could while making plans in case Hideo’s target did something idiotically noble.

Hopefully, he was a selfish man. 

__________________________________________

Before we entered the first town we had some errands to run. 

I went into town with Sharkbait; both of us used the Henge to disguise ourselves as we moved about the areas of importance. The Local Lord didn’t know it, but he played host to us. 

I made sure to slip about his manor, hiding as servants and guards. I regularly stooped to chat with others. “I hear there’s a Geicha on her procession,” I said sparking up a conversation with another guard while we stood watch.

“Hmmm? She better to have a tumble with than the local girls?” said the other. 

I held in a roll of my eyes. Typical. Instead, I snorted. “You wish! Way I hear it she’s of finer breeding. She’s had Lords and Ladies coming to host her in the past. Said to be a…” I paused and made a show of ‘sneakily’ peering at the flyer I had made up. 

The other guard stole the flyer with a smirk and read it over. He whistled. “Jade beauty eh? She must be a real beaut!” he said. 

I smiled and proceeded from there making sure to disguise myself as the Lord’s Castelan. From there word made its way to the Lord. 

The man in question was an older sort and he seemed amused by the gossip that had taken over his household. 

“If she’s all that,” he said to me while I disguised myself as a simple servant. “I might just have to have her entertain me!” he said with a laugh.

I hid my smile and merely bowed before departing his manor. On the way out I found a priet with a complexion that was so rosey it had to be from drink. In one hand he had a staff that jangled with rings while his other hand groped a maid. 

Deciding to do my day’s good deed I slipped a genjutsu at him and he stumbled before faceplanting. The maid got out of there as quickly as she could. I considered the downed and now snoring drunk. 

His staff was rather nice looking…

When I linked back up with Sharkbait I had a staff that jangled when I wanted it to draped over my shoulders. For his part, Sharkbait had a bulging sack over his own and he nodded in greeting.

“Got it all done boss Matsu!” he said with a grin like this was just another excursion from the Academy and not a mission in the field.

I smiled, watching as people who were a little harder done by made their way to the main gateway. 

Excellent.  

Sharkbait and I jumped over the wall and dashed back towards the carriage where we found Yumi being primped over by Hana. Yumi shot Sharkbait and his goods a raised eyebrow. 

“So, you have me dressing up in my best attire for my entrance to this town. Care to tell me what’s going to happen with me from here?” she said archly as Hana pinned her dress to sit just so on her frame. 

I smiled. “Well, I imagine you’ve gathered that we’re going to make a spectacle of you, yes?” I tapped my staff on the ground enjoying the way it clanged and clattered, making everyone glance at it. 

Yumi bobbed her head up and down. “Yes, to draw more attention.”

“Yes, well there’s a simple method to win the right sort of attention and have it feed into itself.” I grinned indolently at her. “What do you know about bread and circuses?” I said as Sharkbait opened up the bulging sack.  

Yumi’s eyebrows rose and I grinned. 

Oh yeah, it was all coming together. Now I just had to ignore Hideo’s chakra signature ghosting in and out on us occasionally. I very much doubted he was checking up on us out of the goodness of his heart.

I wasn’t going to call him out on it, but I was keeping my guard up nonetheless. Sharkbait and Himeko both knew and weren’t impressed that Hideo was lingering around us like a bad smell.

I suspected he was trying to be clever with his mission and us, or more particularly, me roaming around the Land of Vegetables. Not that I could do much if I was right. 

Still, that didn’t need to be the way things were always going to be. The longer he kept up whatever game he was playing, well, the better off I’d be.

__________________________________________

The guards could only stare as Yumi’s procession moved towards the front gates. Behind them a chorus of chatter began to pick up as the people that we’d informed earlier took note of us. 

I led the way with my staff rattling and clanging as I raised a cacophony all by myself. “Make way! Make way!” I called. “Her divinity the Mainden Yumi has come!” 

The urge to break into Aladin’s entry song of Prince Ali was intense but I resisted, if just barely. The tone wouldn’t be right for what I was aiming for with Yumi; even if it would be oh-so-easy and oh-so entertaining.

I’d certainly get a kick out of it. 

Instead, I marched forward, hinged to look like a towering blue-haired man who stomped and rattled the earth with each step he took. 

The guards stepped back as I cast a slight fear genjutsu upon them to make sure they stayed cowed. “Make way! Yumi! Wonder of wonders and finest Lady of this proud land is here!” I bellowed. 

“Come, gaze upon her visage!” I shouted, brandishing my staff towards the carriage which was being slowly trotted forward by a set of four horses that were extremely fit specimens. I’d have to make sure we got some oats and feed for them before we departed town. Those horses had earned their feed. 

Right as we entered the town I made a sign and Sharkbait tapped on the carriage subtly. 

Yumi, as we rehearsed, opened her door and stepped down. “My goodman! I must ask you not scare these folk! I would see them cared for! Not terrified!” she announced with a clear tone that all could hear. 

From behind her Hana appeared with a tray of rolled-up riceballs stacked wide and high. We’d had to rig up a bone bracket to the tray to help Hana carry her load. Behind Hana, Himeko followed with her own tray of riceballs, without said tray. Then again she only needed a single hand to hold the tray aloft.

This just helped feed into the persona I was hoping to craft for her though. 

Unlike Hana and Yumi, she was dressed like a barbarian who had just rolled into town. I had known that there was no point trying to ‘doll her up’. I’d known that going into this mission, instead, I leaned the other way and made her look almost tribal. 

I’d even asked her to grow two horns of bone from her head that arced up and appeared like horns. With her white hair, horns and strength it was easy for people to start drawing conclusions. 

People reeled back at the sight of her and people began to murmur. 

I, playing the guard for this group rattle my staff once more. “Ah! I see you have found the proud Oni woman that has taken service with my fair Lady!” I pointed with my staff straight at Himeko. “Know this! She is tame!” 

Himeko bared her teeth at me and I hopped back playfully. “Where others fought and set her into a frenzy, Lady Yumi has shown this warrior woman a gentler way!” 

Appreciative murmurs broke out and I held in my grin. Perfect. 

We continued to walk into town; with each step we took forward we made sure to distribute balls of pre-cooked rice to those who came. 

It was as I’d said to Yumi.

Bread and circuses. 

Just adapted to the elemental nations. 

Here people found entertainment at the beautiful and the exotic. An Oni? Something thought of only as Mythical coming out thanks to Yumi? It was the perfect draw for crowds. 

Like flies to honey, they came quickly and they lingered even as they licked at the rice on their fingers, their eyes tracking Yumi and Himeko.  I had no doubt a hundred or more rumours would be born on tongues from today’s show. I planned to create at least half of them with a few well-placed words tonight. 

Another group cut through the forming crowd just in time to stop us from running out of rice. “Lady Yumi! Lord Roto bids you welcome! He has heard of your procession and invites you to stay at his home!” shouted the Castelan. 

I smiled widely as Yumi accepted demurely. Excellent, now I just needed to stop Roto from pressing a claim on Yumi and we’d be golden. 

My eyes flickered to Himeko. Perhaps Himeko could have a little tantrum to keep people on their best behaviour. 

One didn’t rest easy with an Oni in their house after all. 

As we wandered towards the Lord’s house Himeko drifted close enough to me to whisper. “Can I still steal their grog?” 

I felt my lips twitch at the idea. I hadn’t suggested that. I glanced towards Sharkbait who looked like he was squirming in place with how was trying, and failing, to hold back his laughter. 

I looked back to Himeko. “Go for it, they’d expect no less from an Oni, just… don’t get drunk cause I’m not healing you if you poison yourself,” I said. 

“No chance of that. Grog tastes like shit, I tried some of Gantu’s once. It was horrible,” she said.

I smirked. “Ah, good call, if you can get the Castelan to drink for me,” I said deciding not to point out how she’d probably grow out of not enjoying her drink. 

I shot her a look .”What are you going to do with all the grog you steal?” I asked out the side of my mouth. 

“Sell it I guess? Or I might bribe Gantu with it, depends on what I get,” she said. 

I chuckled to myself. I was suddenly rather pleased with my idea to make Himeko an ‘Oni’. Rambunctious, destruction was after all expected. I’d just have to have Yumi step in to control her wayward ward. 

A few stolen bottles of Sake were cheap for the chance to witness a myth after all. 

That night Lord Roto was thoroughly entertained by how Yumi sang and danced. With Himeko acting out she was able to portray herself as a demure and calm woman which the Lord seemed to appreciate. As the hours trickled on Yumi worked her charms on the man and he slowly relaxed more and more. 

By the time Yumi begged off for bed the Lord was quite smitten. 

I slipped away and intercepted the Castelan who was staggering to the Lord’s chambers. I’d had Himeko trick the man into drinking more than he otherwise would have and it appeared to have worked out rather well. 

I clapped a hand on his neck and flooded my chakra into him to perform the coma jutsu. He slumped over and I quickly had him deposited in an out-of-sight area where he could sleep without disturbing what was to come. 

I then henged into the Castelan and met the Lord. 

“So, the Lady Yumi? What do you think of her?” asked Lord Roto as he poured out some water for himself. I bowed deeply and made a show of thinking over my words carefully. 

“She is at first appearance a diamond in the rough. She is no simple Geicha and I think she knows it… she is reaching… perhaps beyond her station” I said carefully, doubt trickling into my words. The more important note was that Yumi’s procession was not merely a normal Geisha’s procession. Yumi was trying for more and expected more. 

I needed to establish this in the minds of all 

“Ho? You think her?” asked the Lord. 

I affected a careful shrug. “It is easy to appear sharp and skilful when there is no work to be done,” I said, earning a bark of laughter from the Lord. 

“Ha! But you are more fun when you’ve had some drink in you! I see you got dragged into drinking lest you lose yours to that Oni of Lady YUmi’s!” Roto roared. 

I ducked my head as though ashamed. Roto merely continued to chuckle. He then waved a hand. “You have an idea how to... Test the sharpness of her mind?”

I hid a smile. “I suggest we test her with some questions and scenarios,” I said. I waved towards the ledgers that were kept locked away in a safe. “Perhaps quote some numbers that a true Lady would be expected to know?” I said.

“A capital idea! Let’s see what we can make up!” Lord Roto said. 

I grinned. An exam like this would be all too easy. Especially when you knew the answers. 

But then again, as a Shinobi if you weren’t cheating you weren’t trying. 

It would also be nice to know precisely how much Lord Roto could ‘bid’ for Yumi. It would also give me a peek at some of the other Lords that traded with Lord Roto. By getting a sneak peek at this information I’d know who we could focus our efforts on.

That night I concocted questions with the Lord before feeding Yumi the answers in the morning. 

Yumi took a moment to look me over. “You look rather tired Matsu,” she commented as I focussed on the dress I was fixing up with some thread. 

I chuckled. “That’s because I am. I have stayed up all night to find information and then spread other sorts throughout the town. If people don’t sing your name and beg you to stay when we depart I will consider it a failure,” I said. 

Yumi merely raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?” she said. 

I smiled, and kept running through what Roto would test her with. 

Later that afternoon when he called for her to spend time viewing his garden she proved just how sharp her mind was by answering all of his questions with flying colours. The Castelan, who was sitting behind the Lord and no doubt been ‘reminded’ of his good idea and work looked suitably impressed. 

I mentally ticked Roto off my list when he sat back with a stunned look on his face. Yumi had just proven herself. 

Better yet, she’d gotten a bit of an education into some of the things that she would be expected to know if the plan I had worked out for her. 

The next day when we departed the town Lord Roto was loath to let us leave. He bid us goodbye and thanked Yumi for the visit, even going so far as to offer her a bag of money. 

When we left the manor people were waiting in the streets. Lord Roto stood stunned at the reception Yumi received with the cries for her to stay.

It appeared that almost half the town had poured out to see her. Sharkbait had made sure we had more riceballs to hand out with Himeko and Hana making sure reaching hands were full of something soft and edible and nothing malicious. 

My own staff flashed out a few times to jangle overheads as it twirled and clanged; all while I bellowed at people to make way.

If a few fingers got broken? 

Well, that was just the press of the crowd at play.  

We departed in good order and once we made it clear of the press of bodies outside the gate Himeko and Hana braced themselves in the carriage. 

Sharkbait cracked the reins of the horses as they took off, leaving our first stop behind us. 

I slid into the carriage, dropping my henge and smiling widely at Yumi. “So? One down neh?”

Yumi nodded slowly. “I see now your plan,” she said jangling the bag of gold in her hand. 

I snorted. “That’s chump change for what I’m aiming for,” I said, leaning to the side. 

Hideo was back, the prick. He’d been lingering while we moved about the town. I liked to think that he’d been annoyed that I’d just so happened to disguise myself as a blue-haired man instead of remaining a red-haired kid. It warmed my heart to think of him gnashing his teeth. 

Yumi raised her eyebrows at my indolent pose. I just grinned and gave the sack of coins a dismissive sniff. “Give me two more cities and I’ll have people trying to keep you in their town, they’ll love you so much.”

“Is this going to turn into a story of being too successful?” she replied. 

I just smiled. 

In truth, it only took one city, but that ended up being because the Lord rather had a ‘type’ with that being young and virginal. He’d tried to creep into Yumi’s bed no less than six times in two nights' stay in his castle. He’d then tried locking us up. 

Himeko had happily raged at the gate, destroying it while Yumi, playing into her role as the kindly diplomat apologised profusely before ducking out the now-opened doorway. 

Once we were out of the city she eyed me. “Please tell me you’re not hoping he’ll buy me,” she said. I quirked an eyebrow and she grimaced. “He was old enough to be my grandfather,” she said. 

I blinked and did the math. By my previous life standards that didn’t track but in this life a thirty-eight-year-old could in fact be a grandfather and not be considered unusual. I bobbed my head from side to side. “He’s one of the richest in the Land of Vegetables,” I offered. 

She sighed and nodded. “I suppose there are worse things than a rich partner in life,” she said. 

I merely nodded my eyes tracking the passing scenery even as I wove yet another dress wholesale from sheets of cloth and thread. It was proving to be an extremely difficult control exercise but that would just make it all the more rewarding. I might only be eking out a few extra percent from my chakra with this but every advantage counted. 

I felt Hideo’s chakra signature ghost past us again and I grimaced. I put the dress away and moved to the back of the carriage where I pulled out my depleted stock of balloons. 

I put my hand to it and began to channel my chakra until it bulged all over and burst with a sudden pop.   

It was annoying having that man hovering about. 

Hopefully, he’d go the way of the dodo on someone else’s time though. 

I didn’t think that likely though. I reached for another balloon, this time with my offhand. When it burst in the same manner I nodded and grabbed two balloons. This proved to be a much harder challenge. 

At the next town we stopped at I noticed something odd during my reconnaissance. 

People were expecting us on our approach, but the stories they spoke of were of the Oni and the red-haired boy. I could only sigh. 

It seemed Hideo had inserted himself and forced the rumour to spread. 

I really hoped that whoever he was hunting for didn’t turn up. 

I drummed my fingers on the carriage after we’d departed considering what to do about this development. Yumi chose that moment to lean out of the carriage to peer at me. 

“You’ve been rather sullen of late, did Lord Hotan’s coffer’s not please you?” she said snarkily. 

I smirked at her. “He’s so far the richest Lord, but I doubt he will spend it. He doesn’t have a lot of money through good investments. He’s just a skinflint. I doubt he’s going to spend his hard-earned money,” I said with a snort. 

Yumi frowned and I was about to continue talking when she spoke, “He doesn’t have a… continuation of money. He hoards what he receives instead of creating more… revenue streams,” she said sounding out the words like a baby fawn would test its first steps. 

I nodded slowly impressed despite having sat with her for a number of briefs on this. “You’ve done more than memorise what we spoke of.” I eyed her. “You’ve been integrating it and working out what it all means, haven’t you?” 

Yumi shot her nose up proudly. “I think I have a better handle on it than that Lecher Lord Bakatora!” she said and I could only nod. She wasn’t wrong. 

She locked eyes with me and I saw a fire building within them. “You are angling for more for me, aren’t you?” 

I nodded, not bothering to lie. In truth, I was aiming to annihilate an entire flock of objectives with this mission but she didn’t need to know all of that. 

Yumi fidgeted. “You want me to be a Lady… or a Lord’s mistress don’t you? This isn’t just about selling my… maidenhood like other Geisha procession is it?” she said a tinge of what I knew to be hope in her words. 

I rolled away from her. “It’s possible,” I said with a tired tone. 

“Ah,” she said unsure what else to say about that. I didn’t broach it any further, I was trying, but sometimes things didn’t work out. Spirits knew I had enough irons in the fire. 

Hideo’s chakra signature flickered in close before departing earning no more reaction than a sigh from me.

Trying to give a Geisha a better life was stretching me… but I was still going to try. 

An hour down the road we ran into another camp of bandits. Sharkbait and Himeko both glanced at me but I decided to test myself. I strode forward casually, ignoring how Himeko huffed. 

“Eh? A brat?” said the first man with a rusty looking katana. 

“What the hell are you looking at the kid for? Check out the woman!” shouted another. 

The first looked from me to the carriage where Yumi was looking a bit sick as she pulled down the shutters to spare herself what was to come. 

“Eh, the kid’s kinda good looking too. He’ll work for me,” said the first making me chuckle. 

“How egalitarian of you,” I said approaching him with a kunai in hand. 

“Don’t know what eglington means but drop it kid,” he warned brandishing his blade. 

I stepped into his guard and slit his throat without batting an eye. His friends reeled in shock before growling and throwing themselves at me. Their blade slashed forward and I raised an arm. 

The blades slammed into my arm only to screech as they skittered off my skin. I felt the tugg on my muscles and grimaced as I felt my body bruise. Hmmm, this wouldn’t work… I need more. 

I sighed annoyed at this showing of my iron body jutsu. I hadn’t noticed it as much when I’d used it in the past but force was still being transmitted into my body. I needed more from my protective jutsu. 

My hand slipped into a pouch and kunai were flicked into the bewildered bandits. They toppled like puppets with their strings cut. I just shook my head and started looting them dispassionately. On one of them, I found a note demanding they waylay a Geisha’s carriage. 

Huh, so the Lord was trying something. Interesting. 

I marched back to the carriage, handing the note to Sharkbait before we got back underway. If this was all the Lord Edo was going to do I wasn’t worried.

I settled down on the carriage and Yumi peered out at me. She seemed surprised to see me not covered in blood. Huh, had she been expecting me to play with my food like Himeko did?

I shot her a smile before turning my attention internally. 

I flexed my chakra through my body, working at my iron body. It was producing results but I felt like I could do more. I was in a way making my body stronger, if slower. It wasn’t what I needed. 

I needed something stronger without the drawbacks. 

I toyed with that idea for a while. What could possibly be better than an Iron body?

Iron body… Iron man… man of Iron… I paused as an idea occurred to me. Why not try for something a little more?

I got to work, shifting my chakra to a thin layer outside my body. As we passed by a tree I struck out, watching as it buckled under my strike. I didn’t even feel any pain, just a bit of pressure.

Huh, this had potential. 

I got to work on my newest ace card. 

I suspected I was going to need it before the end of this mission, even as I hoped otherwise.

__________________________________________

The Land of Vegetables had a rather respectable capital known as Rukosake. Unsurprisingly, Sake was one of the best exports they had with the huge swathes of rice fields. 

The Daimyo of the Land of Vegetables was not a target that we could entertain, with his advanced age and well-established family. 

His Heir on the other hand? Well, he was a viable target. 

From the hill we’d set up camp on I sat staring at the well-established city. For another person this would be almost half a day’s ride, for our horse it was at most two hours trot. For ninja it was a ten-minute sprint.

A glance at said horses showed that they were happily prancing about in the enclosure we’d knocked together. 

Hana was rather taken with them and had taken to sneaking them sugar cubes and ever-abundant carrots. Yumi had taken to marvelling at the horses swift turnaround from average to some of the strongest, fastest horses she’d ever seen. 

Inducing constant training and healing cycles followed by feeding and rest to get this result was within expected parameters. 

I stood, dusting off my hands. “Alright, Himeko, stay here with Yumi and Hana please? Sharkbait and I are going to probably have to have a few trips into the capital to get the lay of the land, both physically and politically.” 

One didn’t just waltz into the Daimyo’s court after all. We’d need to know some of the big movers and shakers. I had no doubt there was a literal line of Ladies queuing up to garner the Heir’s attention. Somehow we’d need to insert Yumi into this pit of vipers at the top. 

To make her a political snake charmer, she’d need a lifetime to learn what she needed. 

Sharkbait joined me on a quick run into the city. The walls were perfunctory for us, but they really only served to demark where the lower ring and the upper ring of the city was. The upper ring was where we’d focus most of our efforts as that was where the nobility resided. 

In the Daimyo’s court, there could be anywhere between ten to fifty nobles. There would also usually be soldiers of note. I was hoping to find a few Samurai and get a gauge on them while I was in 

As we entered Rukosake I picked up on a number of different chakra signatures that were worth noting in that they were at least comparable to a genin from Kiri. I also found Hideo waiting for us. 

Whenever he appeared he always stayed out of sight but close enough to swoop in should he desire.  When he didn’t leave me alone after a few hours of my reconnaissance of the city I knew something had to be up. 

I kept going about my usual tricks, disguising myself as guards, servants and person I could to spread word about Yumi while getting a read on other points of possible gossip. 

One piece of gossip that stuck out to me as potentially problematic was that Lord Edo, Yumi’s supposed sire, was visiting the Daimyo’s court. 

I sought out more information and got a list of all the nobility in court at the moment. 

It seemed like things were rather contentious at the moment with a question of taxes and the distribution of funds being debated in the halls of power. Inserting Yumi into this powderkeg may produce some interesting effects.

While I gathered this intel, Hideo continued to lurk. 

When he finally grew bored and departed to the lower ring I sighed in relief once more. 

Deciding to do some of my own lurking, I slunk close enough to Hideo’s resting place to locate his room within the cheap and dinghy pub. He had taken a seat at the bar and was merrily looming over everyone in the room, demanding free drinks and food.

The man was practically daring someone to spit in his drink or poison his food, not that it would work out too well for the peasants that did so. I got the impression Hideo wanted to punish some poor man acting out. 

I shook my head at his pettiness before moving to link up with Sharkbait. 

When I found him I immediately accelerated as I detected him darting back and forth in close proximity to another chakra source. 

It was obvious to me they were fighting and when I got within sight of them I confirmed it. Sharkbait was deflecting slashes from another kid with a tanto and metal plate armour one would expect a samurai to wear. 

Strangely the kid wasn’t at all hindered by what looked like it should have been cumbersome attire. The boy flipped and jumped just as easily as Sharkbait did in his lighter attire. 

Sharkbait was easily the better fighter. I could see that from observing the fight for a few moments. 

He was more precise with his attacks and was evading any counter-strikes the kid offered. 

Sadly, the samurai kid had armour. 

Attacks that would have gutted or disarmed another opponent merely skittered off metal. 

“You will die Kiri Knave!” growled the kid quietly. 

“I wasn’t doing anything! I was just leaving the city you psycho!” 

“You will not leave this city except by floating down the river!” snarled the bloodthirsty child vehemently.

I tilted my head. It struck me as very odd that while they were fighting both combatants were remaining extremely quiet. To the point that even when kunai met tanto the ring of steel was muted. 

The kid didn’t want to be found out as much as we did, I thought to myself. 

I hummed as I considered this information before deciding enough was enough. I shunshinned in as close as I could and when the kid realised it was no longer a one-on-one duel he only had enough time to open his mouth before I tripped him up with my staff. 

As he fell I batted his tanto away by the flat of the blade before slamming my hand into his face. “Nighty night kid,” I said as I flooded my chakra into him and his body twitched as he was knocked out. 

I rose and gave Sharkbait another look over. “You alrig—” was all I got the chance to say before I was spinning, instincts screaming at me that I needed to react as a new chakra source appeared behind me.

It accelerated straight at me and I saw the flash of steel announcing an unsheathed blade before my ears could even register the sound of the draw. 

My chakra flexed in a pattern that I’d started to work on for the last month on the road. 

I’d decided to go for something a little more than merely hardened body. That would only see my body stiff and slow. Instead, I’d decided to steal one of the strongest bodies in existence by copying Superman’s tactile telekinesis with how my chakra was layered around my body. 

The trick was layering chakra in what amounted to an extremely thin shield that I had made harder and harder. It was an effort in control to keep the chakra thin but strong. 

If that seemed like bullshit, that’s because it was. Chakra was bullshit ninja magic and if you really put your mind to it and had half an idea what to try.

Maybe if I found a way I could copy the man of steel in truth I’d be able to buzz Onoki in the future.

For now, it was my only response as a blade swept in seeking to carve me open like a pig.

Unlike all the other exchanges of blows that had occurred in the last few minutes, this blow screeched as it struck through my meagre defences. 

I felt myself fold around the blow, unable to fully resist the force as I folded around the katana, and what a katana it was, I thought as my hyper-aware mind took in everything it could. 

It had a blue ripple down the flat that showed it was many times folded over on itself and was made of chakra conductive metal. Part of my mind registered that it currently wasn’t glowing which I was thankful for.

A moment later I found myself launched backwards. I swept through the wall of a nearby building and slammed into a support beam that cracked before I slammed into the next wall. And through it only to flop into a tree that shuddered as my body hit it. 

The tree barely held together while the building I’d been knocked through groaned ominously. 

I clutched at my stomach; hand questing around for anything wet before my eyes could even look down. I took a shuddering, pain-filled breath of air and shuddered as pain wracked my form. 

Sharkbait’s chakra signature leapt towards me while the new foe remained where he’d been when he’d launched me. 

He must be standing guard over the kid I’d knocked out. 

“Matsu? You dead?” Sharkbait asked. 

I chuckled. My body ached with every laugh but still relished in it despite myself. “Yeah mon, I’m dead,” I said quoting a movie from my past life. 

Sharkbait didn’t know what to say to that but the man who’d thrown me with his sword strike wasn’t above calling out to me. “A dead brat wouldn’t speak! What did you do to blunten my blade boy!” 

I sat up feeling inordinately happy that I’d pissed off this old man. “Maybe you’re blade’s gotten dull and isn’t all that anymore old timer,” I said. 

My bandana slipped off my head and I caught it and laced it around my hip like a belt. Then I limped towards the hole I’d caused, chakra flooding through me as I tried to fix up the bruising. 

By the time I reached the hole, I was able to stand and make a show of casually dusting off my shoulder. “Well, that was refreshing,” I said, playing off how I’d just been thrown through a building. 

The man glared at me only to blink and for his face to turn ashen. “Lord Arashi?” then he frowned. “Wait, no, he was a man in his prime and you’re a…” 

I tilted my neck back and forth. “I’m me,” I said enjoying how I had full range of motion. My eyes looked the old man up and down, taking in his piecemeal armour.

I could see a series of tags that looked like fuinjutsu peeking out underneath the shoulder and gorget. The blade in his hand shimmered while being held up in a defensive position. I was very glad he hadn’t infused his blade the first time he’d hit me. 

My eyes then tracked up to his head, or more specifically to his hair. 

Hair that was a shade of red I’d only seen in the mirror and on one other person in my life. 

I sighed. “You’d be the blacksmith then?”

I didn’t need to wait for the man to nod to know things had just gotten a lot more complicated. 

Damn Hideo, and damn him for being right that I’d end up being bait for these Uzumaki.

I smiled my best smile and hoped that I could channel some of the Uzumaki bullshit of the future that Naruto had access to with his talk-no-jutsu. 

I didn’t like the idea of another exchange of blows. 

I wasn’t confident I’d walk it off if he chose violence. 

__________________________________________

A.N. Thanks go to my patreons for your continued support!

I hope you enjoyed Matsu’s tricks for his trip around Vegetable. I had some fun writing them, the issue as always was getting the time to do so!