The OP Lich is a Returnee, Book 8 Prologue (Patreon)

Prologue – Trade Chat

(Magical World Disharmony Server, General Chat)

UsualSuspect, manoutoftime, muon, MewTwo, Avariel, Chummer, Golddigger, CrazyCelt, Blaze, DoYouEvenLyft?, MarcoPolo, MightMakesRight, MacD, Inquisitor, OrangeQueen, Lizard, RedFox, SemiSolidSnake, BabyShark, Not_the_Face!, Scholar, Salty, Anonymous3, Anonymous4, Anonymous7, Anonymous9, TheLichQueen, WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot, DigDug, Backlog, DarkAvariel, Knocker, GrimDark, BloodForTheBloodGod, BackDat@55Up and DarkAngel are in the chat.

Inquisitor: So, apparently the Justice Department dropped the investigation they were doing about the whole ‘discussion’ our favorite lich had with the CIA.

BabyShark: They say why?

Inquisitor: No, they just released a statement they were dropping the investigation, and had no plans to resume it.

TheLichQueen: Basically, they didn’t want to admit any fault, especially since I have the people they sent to spy on me illegally (or at least their souls), and they attacked me first. That, plus my promise of dragging them in front of the International Criminal Court for every ‘intervention’ they’ve made since World War II? They decided enough damage had already been done.

Scholar: How would you have arranged standing for those cases, though? I mean, you can’t just bring a case because you heard about it on the news.

TheLichQueen: Well, the ICC works differently from the US courts. You just have to compile enough of a case to convince the Prosecutor that there is enough to warrant an investigation. Even if it doesn’t go to trial, just imagine all the dirty laundry that would be brought out in the open because of the investigation.

Knocker: Hey, LQ, is it true that Japan declared you your own country?

TheLichQueen: Not quite. They recognized me as the Government-in-Exile of Risen Athelia. There’s some legal back and forth, there, but, essentially, it allows me to have an embassy, and more freedom to act in my own name. There’s some other stuff, too, but basically it makes it so that the Japanese government is not going to be pressured as much if I smack someone down for messing with me.

RedFox: So, now what? You just made two of the main global powers look like children. They’re not going to take that lightly. Not to mention the whole embargo on your magic tech you talked about.

DigDug: How were you going to enforce that, anyways?

TheLichQueen: By questioning the souls of the dead.

Knocker: Um, what?

TheLichQueen: When I find things of mine where they aren’t supposed to be, I will simply take the souls of those around them, and ask them, at length, about how they got there. And then I’ll go find those people, and ask them, and so on, until I find everyone responsible. Just like the US would do to anyone with their secrets.

Backlog: Well, that got dark.

BloodForTheBloodGod: So, LQ, what are you going to be doing next? I mean, you’ve thrown the world on its head, and all, already. What fun chaos can we expect next?

TheLichQueen: Well, my students at Athelian Arms have all made their way to Journeyman status as enchanters, so I expect the pace and quality of work to expand accordingly. And there are some new products that Phantomline will be rolling out, in cooperation with Zaubertechnik, in Germany.

Scholar: Ooh, new focus items, like the Shield Charms?

TheLichQueen: Well, Zaubertechnik has obtained the license to make more shield charms, with the caveat that none go to US or Russian buyers. In addition, Phantomline (and Zaubertechnik, under license) will be introducing vehicle upgrades for VIP protection. It will turn your normal up-armored SUV into something that can shrug off anti-tank rounds, before you add in the built-in vehicle shield charms.

GrimDark: By the throne! That’s some real defensive power, there. And I’m assuming that these modifications could be made to military vehicles, as well?

TheLichQueen: Why, yes, they can. Interestingly enough, both the JSDF and the People’s Army in China have started putting in orders.

Scholar: This is going to throw the global balance of power out the window.

TheLichQueen: Then those in power should have thought about that before pissing me off, and they had best be glad that I haven’t started making any offensive weapons.

Anonymous7: Does this new focus on military hardware have anything to do with the new factory Phantomline broke ground on in Egypt last week?

TheLichQueen: No, that’s completely different. They’ll be using that site for the production of humanitarian supplies, including items designed to give people in drought-ridden or desert areas like much of North Africa access to clean, drinkable water. It won’t be enough for industrial uses, mind, but it will, at least, help with people not having clean water to drink.

BabyShark: Are you going to solve world hunger next?

TheLichQueen: Oh, I already have two or three solutions to that, but most people say it leaves a bad taste in their mouth, so we’re not implementing them until we can refine it a bit more.

BabyShark: Woah, really? What are they?

CrazyCelt: Twenty says one of the ways is ‘make most people into undead’.

Lizard: Why would you say that? Beyond the fact that she’s a lich.

CrazyCelt: Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it? Undead don’t need food.

TheLichQueen: Not entirely true. Sure, many kinds of undead don’t need to feed, but that isn’t all of them. Some types of zombies need to consume flesh to remain mobile, and ghouls, vampires, and other such undead need food to survive. Even some forms of spirits need to feed, though they don’t eat flesh, obviously. And, honestly, everyone being undead would just be boring, and dangerous.

Scholar: Boring, I can understand. But dangerous?

TheLichQueen: Yes. You see, undeath, especially the types of undeath that do not have some sort of hunger involved, trend towards stagnation.

Scholar: Stagnation?

TheLichQueen: Yes, when you have eternity before you, the urgency of day to day living fades. You see the same in the long-lived mortal races, like the elves and dwarves. There isn’t the same importance placed on immediate action that you see in races where a life’s span is a mere few decades, perhaps a century or two.

TheLichQueen: Those of you who have read fantasy stories may know what I’m about to say, but long-lived or immortal races may reach greater heights of power and plumb the furthest depths of knowledge, yet they do not have the capacity for innovation and change that quick-lived races have, simply due to the fact that they cannot afford to take their time and do things the slow way.

Scholar: But if the world is undead, where is the danger then?

TheLichQueen: I am unliving proof that there are worlds beyond our own, and that those worlds can reach out and touch ours. And what happens if another world decides that we have nice things, and want to steal our world out from under us? They just have to exterminate the locals, first.

Scholar: Ah. You, um, wouldn’t happen to have any warning of something like that coming for us, would you?

TheLichQueen: No, but I would rather not borrow trouble from such things, when it is easily avoided by simply not turning the entire world into an abattoir.

Salty: All right, after that conversation, I’m going to need several drinks, preferably strong enough that I won’t be able to remember my name, much less this news, tomorrow.