Lewd Dungeon, Book 27 Prologue (Patreon)

Prologue – Trade Chat

(Adventurer’s Guild Official Forums, Miami Branch)

SunnyBunz, MightyMouse, ImAPally, DontYouWantMe, AsaAkiraIsBae, BestGirl, LatinHeat, Salty, Backpage, Craig34, l33tpally, Anonymous3, Anonymous4, RedFox, Kimiko, DonnyJuan, Crusader, BadCompany, HurricaneGal, Ambassador, Scholar, Righteous, Id10t, Satyr, DarkEnchanter, RangerMiguel, ScoopGirl, VenusFlyTramp, MagicMike, TsundereHealer, Max, LightningLegacy, SwiftTaylor, Domino, Bacchus, Aegis, Temptation, and Lord_Kickass are in the chat.

Salty: OK, that is another round of cleaning up the Vurlock population off the coast, done.

ImAPally: Good work! No dragons popped up this time, I see.

Id10t: How likely is it that there would be more than one of those things in the area?

Scholar: Not very, but that doesn’t mean there couldn’t be more.

DarkEnchanter: I wonder if there isn’t some way to shut off the broken/dead dungeon that keeps spawning those things. If so, we could use the same on the Goblins in Boca Raton, maybe reclaim that area.

RangerMiguel: The national Adventurer’s Guild is looking for any information we can find on such things. Miami is fairly unique, for having two broken dungeons so close, but this is not unique. There’s also the broken dungeon that has undead pouring out of what used to be Disney World, and there are other such things around the country, and around the world.

Scholar: The weirdest, and most dangerous, one in the US is apparently a broken dungeon out in Nevada. They have what people are calling Uranium Slimes roaming the desert.

Bacchus: That… does not sound good.

Temptation: It isn’t. Basically, your basic slime, and then make it radioactive. Oh, and then make it the size of a truck.

LatinHeat: Dios mio!

Scholar: Fortunately, that ex-dungeon is much slower to generate monsters than the other broken dungeons we’ve seen. However, everyone who has had to fight one of those things needed immediate medical attention. Without healing magic, they would have taken fatal radiation doses just from getting within striking distance of the thing.

BestGirl: What about the military? They have System-approved guns now, right?

Temptation: Guns are not very useful against slimes. Unless you hit the core, fire from an AK-47 will just tickle a slime, since the majority of their body is just… gel.

BestGirl: That’s bad, right?

Temptation: Yes. ‘Spray and pray’ is only marginally better than doing nothing. And a shotgun is utterly useless against a slime except at point-blank range. A marksman with a gun could hit the core, but on those big slimes you’d need a high-power rifle, and the ballistics are sometimes funky because of how the gel is moving.

VenusFlyTramp: So, how do they kill those slimes, then?

Temptation: Grenades. No, seriously. Chuck a grenade into a slime, and it is devastating on the core. Of course, you need to be close enough to throw the grenade, meaning you’re already soaking a lot of rads, and probably are about to get splattered by exploding radioactive slime.

Backpage: What about RPGs?

Temptation: They are effective, if they go off. But they are designed to explode after hitting something solid. And slimes aren’t solid. Grenade launchers are somewhat more effective, especially if you can configure them for a timed burst, rather than contact.

HurricaneGal: What about magic, then? I mean, you can still throw spells at them, right?

Scholar: Unfortunately, something about the Uranium Slimes makes them resistant to magic in general. They haven’t found any elements that they are particularly weak to. Best I’ve seen is using Earth Magic to contain them.

Temptation: The Army is bringing one to me for testing, on the condition that I not add them to the Dungeon’s normal mode.

Backpage: But they’ll still be used in Hardcore Mode, right?

Temptation: Of course. Anyone who enters without signing the contract is signaling that they want to harm the Dungeon, and that cannot be allowed.

DonnyJuan: Hey, Temptation, is it true that you went and visited some Great Sage Equaling Heaven in China?

Temptation: Oh, where did you hear that?

DonnyJuan: The rumor was going around the People’s Adventuring Association headquarters in Beijing when I stopped by on business. Said you went out there with a ship and a Chinese diplomat.

Temptation: Well, they are well informed. I did go out to meet with the Monkey King, and I brought a representative of the Chinese government along, to arrange an introduction.

Scholar: Why would you do that?

Temptation: Bringing the representative along cost me nothing, made accessing Chinese airspace easier, and earned me goodwill with the government ruling over a sizeable chunk of humanity.

Scholar: No, not that! Why go meet with the Great Sage Equaling Heaven?

Temptation: Because he had not been properly integrated with the System. And, until he was, there was the very real chance that the Belief of people could have altered him.

Scholar: What is wrong with that?

Temptation: One of the names of the Monkey King is Son Goku. That is also the name of a rather popular character from anime. The longer the Monkey King went without integrating, the more likely that people would start connecting the two. In time, that would allow the Monkey King to claim the abilities of the anime character. An anime character who literally could destroy planets. And a Super Saiyan Great Sage Equaling Heaven? Not a good idea.

Scholar: Ah, yes. That would be bad. Very bad.

Temptation: So, then I went and sent him to talk to all the other divinities on Earth, so that they could all get added into the System, before any big changes happened to them, too.

Scholar: I don’t know if I like where this is going.

Temptation: Oh, it was perfectly fine, before Freyja introduced him to Loki, gave them a list of names (which I may have added to) and told them to ‘have fun’.

Scholar: WHAT???

Aegis: Oh, shit.

Righteous: That sounds ominous.

Craig34: Who is on this list?

Temptation: Oh, just people who like inflicting their religion on other people. Specifically, this list was about Evangelicals. But I’m sure they’ll get around to other religions, sooner or later.

Backpage: Not that I mind, but why?

Temptation: Freyja was ‘annoyed’ with them for some of the more theocratic moves different states were pulling, and wished for it to stop.

Ambassador: Speaking of ‘theocratic moves’, I’d like to speak with you about the situation on Bluemountain.

Crusader: What did he do now? And where is Bluemountain?

Scholar: Bluemountain is a planet further down the spiral arm. Earth-like in composition, according to the System. The primary ruling power on the planet is the Kingdom of Vinastra, a theocracy following Pofmis.

Ambassador: Yes, and from the reports, open war has broken out on Bluemountain, with many combatants carrying the symbol of Kuronoth.

Temptation: What can I say? People love me.

Ambasador: Temptation…

Temptation: Fine, I’ll stop by your embassy in Tokyo for a chat. I’ll even bring treats!

MightyMouse: Can we go back to talking about the car-sized radioactive death slimes? That’d be great.