Stream Postponement (Patreon)

Hi everyone,

(TW for mental health talk)

I'm afraid I have to postpone tonight's stream. I'll be really honest and real about why, even though I feel stupid for it. This week has been really intense and overwhelming. In a good way! But weirdly, for me, this has transformed into a cause for a full-blown panic attack. It's made my hands shake hard enough that it's difficult to type let alone draw.

This week I got a writing mentorship, a tattoo appointment with an artist from Poland who was guest spotting and had a miraculous cancellation, and then on the weekend I have my first small comic festival after covid. The festival was unfortunately rescheduled onto my gf and I's anniversary though, and the amount of work of the mentorship plus the sudden tattoo appointment sent me on a mental health spiral. I feel stupid because these are mostly GOOD things that I'm excited about, being able to do more of these coloured stream requests included. It was just a sudden deluge and I wasn't prepared at all. I'm afraid I'll catch covid and be unable to go to the festival, or that I'm an imposter who doesn't deserve this mentorship, or that I'll let y'all down by not bringing my best work forward. 

This is entirely my deal and a result of mental health issues I've always struggled with. I wanted to be real about them because I value you guys as patrons so much and I hate having to postpone scheduled streams like this. That I already had to postpone one means I'm extra disappointed in myself for having to do it again. 

I will be okay. I have emotional support from my partner, a therapist to talk to etc. For the most part my mental health has been SO much better than it used to be. But these slips happen, and when they do it's really hard not to blame myself or get even more upset. I feel like I'm suddenly juggling a million things and that I'm going to let everybody down. I know logically that's not true, and rescheduling is best for both my mental health and the stream results, but when these episodes happen they're really intense both emotionally and physically.

The next stream (next week on the Thursday) will go ahead as scheduled, and at that time I'll reschedule this one. I don't want to set a date right this week just in case this panic spiral resurfaces. 

Just wanted to also thank you for all so much your support and understanding as I pick myself back up again. <3