epic 194 story (Patreon)

“What is that?” someone asked as the latest group left the ‘Unpredictable Dungen’, staring at the bottle in the leader's hand.

The adventurer hiccupped.

“Yer mum,” he giggled. There was some scuffling before Ruli reached over and took the bottle like a toy from argumentative children. She eyed the reddish bottle with decorative crab legs.

‘“Coconut Crab: Tastes good and is not alcoholic. Crab supports you not drinking.” Ruli read and the group let Ruli keep it as they had about twenty other bottles.  She popped the unopened lid and sipped it, feeling the urge to find a nice beach and sway.

Maybe even click her fingers.

“Wait, if this is non-alcoholic, how is he drunk?” Ruli asked as she continued her guard over Delta’s Dungeon. His teammates looked embarrassed.

“He can’t read,” one of them whispered. Ruli’s mouth opened then closed before she shook her head.

“Takes all types,” she said before Alpha emerged next and almost every adventuring group parted before him. The kid seemed to scare the big tough adventurers due to his aura of utter disinterest if they existed or not.

Gripping him tightly by the shoulder was the most attractive goblin Ruli had ever seen. She was sure it was a goblin because he was handsome and orcs had more of a ‘rugged’ thing going on. The goblin was also sort of familiar.

“Where is the ceiling?” the goblin asked, looking mildly disturbed by the expansive open sky.

“There’s no ceiling out here unless you’re being suppressed at a job by an older man. Then it's a glass ceiling,” Alpha said with a neutral tone.

“I will be suppressed by no man!” the handsome goblin challenged the open sky.

“I agree with that,” Ruli spoke up and the goblin beamed at her with a perfect smile and she had a sudden flash of a much smaller form with a thicker skull with that same smile.

“Numb?” she asked in shock and the goblin nodded, looking pleased Ruli recognised him.

“Is this... is the dungeon becoming an Abomination?” someone asked in a serious tone. Ruli’s spine tingled with a cold feeling and the relaxed mood in the open meadow turned tense.

“No, I simply have the ability to tame monsters for a short while,” Alpha spoke up briskly and he looked very serious as he gazed into any angry glances.

“I am training it so I can um...” he frowned and looked around for how to continue.

“He’s going to be a Leeter and challenge the yearly Beast Violet League,” Ruli interrupted, remembering the tournament held on the left foot, too close to where Everland ‘existed’ in its strange pocket dimension.

Instantly the mood became jovial again and people spoke about the tournament and how many people would bring rats only to see someone bring a dragon.

“Alpha,” Ruli whispered, trying not to look worried because Numb should really not be here. She would never call Delta an Abomination but she would need to know how hard she needed to cover up and make a few suspicious people vanish.

“I have the power to mimic Dungeon mana. He can only be out here as long as he is in contact with me,” Alpha assured her with a small smile and it was really good news. Ruli took a moment to exhale with a nod.

She eyed Numb who was just standing there but she could swear there was an aura around him extending into the world.

“What happened to him?” Ruli asked, more curious now.

“Delta called it ‘Himbofication’,” Alpha reported. Ruli was about to ask what that even meant when she felt a tickle in the air. A white dove landed nearby as it looked exhausted and then passed out, dropping a scroll into Numb’s open hand. He eyed it curiously.

“Royal Wedding Invite? Dear reader, this is my last chance to escape the evil advisor I am engaged to. I set this dove free to find my one true lo-” Numb read and Alpha took the thing and set fire to it with a silent spell.

“Delta said Numb is not to read any letters, talk to any old men, go toward any caves or tombs, and especially lakes with potential women in them,” Alpha explained without any hint he found this a strange request.

“Oh is that all, nothing else?” Ruli asked sarcastically. A magic circle appeared under Numb a moment later with a faint girl’s voice calling for a ‘hero of another world’ to aid them but Alpha stepped on the circle and smudged it out of existence.

“A few other things,” Alpha admitted.

“I’ve seen heroic auras but this is far too powerful for your run of the mill hero,,” Ruli said as she watched the sun catch on Numb’s face, making him look good and pure.

“It’s a mix of Delta’s... Deltaness and my own reluctance to answer the call,” Alpha said and looked at Numb with some shame but the Goblin simply patted his head.

“I don’t mind,” he said as if he had to say this a lot already.

Three or four girls walked out of the tree line looking both lost and utterly confident of their location. One was a scowling girl who glared at everything, another tripped over thin air, the next was stuttering so bad despite talking to no one, and the last was an elven princess of sorts who glowed with power and talked to everyone and anyone about her dying village due to the lack of men.

“Alpha, how strong is this aura, exactly?” Ruli asked slowly, reaching for her sword.

“When it was down to me? I tempered it by being so indifferent that they just wandered off. When one refused to leave, I put them on mute and ignored them,” Alpha said bluntly, pushing Numb back towards the Dungeon entrance.

“Numb wants to be social,” Alpha added and that explained a lot.

“Mute them?” Ruli asked as an angry looking girl being followed by Grim of all people protested that she couldn’t seem to stop her feet moving towards the Dungeon.

Alpha looked at one of the strange girls that appeared, hitting any and all men she came across for being perverts. Instantly, a red cross appeared above her head and her voice vanished.

“It’s supposed to stop magic users but I found a better use,” Alpha said simply and walked back inside with Numb who waved at everyone.

Damn, Ruli wanted that spell when Quiss started going off about ‘brute’ women, ‘broken staffs’ and ‘bruised wizard orbs’.

That man could complain so much over drinks.

“Do you have something to make all this go away?” Ruli asked, wondering if she was about to be dumped on clean-up duty. Alpha answered her by returning with a very different goblin. Two of them actually.

“THE SKY! What a waste of space!” Cois screamed and waved his staff around, setting fire to patches of grass. The other goblin made Ruli’s skin crawl as everyone stared at him.

He lowered his scarf, revealing his evil mouth while wiggling his fingers in greeting.

“Hiiiii,” he stressed out like a curse word.

Ruli didn’t like that smile but she couldn’t argue that it made any romantic feelings wither faster than a sober advocate before Quiss.

“Oh, that’s fantastic,” the weird girl said as Grim looked pale at the sight of the goblins that tormented him so long ago. Ruli would have paid to see that dungeon run personally. Maybe she could talk Delta into building some sort of memory theater?

Ruli had no idea if a memory theater was a thing but she would bet gold on Delta making one happen.

She would hold off on asking because Delta had a plan and Ruli didn’t want to rush things.

---

“Spin the wheel of choices! I’m no longer going to hell! Spin the wheel!” Delta chanted as a wheel made of her mana spun so fast, sparks flew off into the air. It slowed down to show the pointer landed on ‘finishing floor 4’. The other options consisted of improving the Fishgeon a little more, creating a secondary path to the third floor from the second, creating more challenges on the third floor, and the last section was simply filled in with the words ‘FrogZord’.

“Oh thank the Sister,” Nu sagged and Delta would honor the ‘Wheel’.

“We could finish the Zodiac Islands. Not that anyone has gotten past Jellagon, even the Healies turned back because the mana was so thick it made them feel lightheaded,” Delta mused.

“It’s a simple stopgap, eventually people will adapt. It’s like pressure training,” Nu warned and Delta could see that. It bought her time to get the basics into place and hope for the best.

To think, she could maybe even develop her fifth floor in a short while! Nu seemed to urge her past the third floor with an odd nervousness before they reappeared back on the fourth floor. Instantly, a small form emerged from the waters and curled around Delta’s shoulders with a lazy slump.

“Hello Ophiuchus,” Delta said with a smile as she petted the snake’s head. The ‘critter’ looked a little bigger than before and his eyes were beginning to look the same shape as the orbs on the zodiac islands.

“I enjoy not doing any work here. I’m going to relax,” Nu said and his screen flickered, being replaced by a green color, indicating a reluctant Prim.

“Hey Prim!” Delta greeted the primal menu.

“Dungeon Core Delta,” Prim responded as Nu’s screen floated near crab island with little care.

“Ready to work?” she asked and Prim brought up the map of the fourth floor.

“According to the order of creation, the next island should be the squat goblin with the cannon on its shoulder, no wait its-,” Prim said, all business.

“First, it’s an elegant woman or man holding vase that is pouring water,” Delta said, remaining serene and calm.

“...I thought it was shooting napalm. I was looking forward to this island,” Prim said, sounding heartbroken.

“Second,” Delta decided to just not address Prim’s words, “It’s the Water Bearer Island,” she explained and dropped until she stepped on the empty island. She focused, creating a massive statue with the help of Prim. A cracked and old statue of an undefined person holding a vase that seemed to contain a void of darkness within rose up from the ground with vines and moss growing on it.

Delta was feeling Greek today so created more stone pillars that she laid on their sides to mimic collapsing structures along with birdbaths and a mess of walls. The entire island was a complete wreck but also chaotically interesting.

“Water bearer. So we should create water elementals that will drown those who tread here or perhaps the water can be boiling?” Prim offered, trying to be a part of the process.

“Love the energy,” Delta praised while mentally discarding those ideas. She made the inside of the vase contain the orb that was a deep lavender color. Something in her mind twitched because the Sheep Island has the red orb and it felt like there should be a shade between them but she was also sure the Water Bearer orb should be lavender.

Next, she considered the types of people that this island represented and smiled. In seconds, the entire island was filled with a dozen holes that lead deep into the island.

“Death holes. Finally, something I can get behind,” Prim said eagerly until she noticed they were only the size of a frying pan, barely able to make someone sink into them. Humming in delight as Ophiuchus tasted the air in curiosity, Delta opened her menu and watched the system and Prim catch on to her desires and the possibilities form.

Water Cannon Island.

Water is healthy. This much water is less so.

Water Bearer Orb upgrade automatically integrated into island formation.

Dark Dank Hole: Adventurers cannot simply reach into the statue’s hole and expect results. If the vase gushes water, the orb becomes dislodged, otherwise, cannot be physically felt. 20 DP.

Water Island: Across the island, dozens of holes gush streams of water, they all seem connected to the statue’s vase and by blocking one hole, a little bit of water begins to leak. Blocking them all causes a deluge. 30 DP

Gopher Flowing: Water loving gophers live in the holes and don’t take kindly to having their holes messed with. If the holes aren’t covered fast enough, these little creatures unplugs them. 30 DP

Natural Order: if the gophers are removed or destroyed, the island begins to change. The more that are destroyed or gone, the more likely that the Water Bearer’s vase begins to pour out Gopheragon. A slime with massive teeth. The flow does not stop. 40 DP

Pat-a-Hole: Once in a while, a Gopher will emerge to laugh. Patting ten in a row will cause the orb to dislodge. Also you win Cow Points to spend on Cow Island! 20 DP

Water Bear: If you cheat at Pat-a-Hole, the statue becomes a bear made of seething water that will chase the cheaters. 40 DP

Delta clicked each one with a serious nod.

“All of these are important,” she insisted.

“If they’re all important, then none of them are,” Prim argued.

“Or... if nothing matters, then everything is great,” Delta said with sagely nod.

“Does being positive all the time make existence more enjoyable?” Prim asked after a moment as little brown balls of fur with big teeth erupted out the ground on watery geysers, chittering happily with one another as they played  in the spray of water and rainbow mists.

“Hm, it's not because I'm positive that things are better. It’s because I try to always be better so I end up feeling positive,” she tried to explain.

“So, the production of work and progress allows you to feel at peace with your existence?” Prim pressed, almost demanding an answer. Delta thought about it.

Work was nice but with work she could make bars and pools with fish so Deo and Ruli could visit. When they visited Delta felt like she had friends outside of her Dungeon and the connection made her want to please those people and her creations which often developed into her creating rare rooms, drinks, and delicious foods.

Unless it was troll soup then it was more she was just happy for Jeb to enjoy his food.

“I’m happy as long as I don't eat troll soup,” was Delta’s final answer. Prim seemed lost so Delta just smiled at her.

“So find a hobby. Something that appeals to you!” Delta said as she was soon surrounded by gophers and happiness welled up inside her.

“Murder.”

“That’s not an acceptable hobby in society,” Delta responded without looking.

“Extreme maiming.”

“Less bad than murder, still bad,” Delta said.

“Mental anguish.”

“Wyin already owns that,” Delta continued, lining her gophers up so she could pet them in an organized manner and efficiently.

“May I browse your memories for acceptable hobbies?” Prim asked, sounding actually fed up with her choices being shot down.

“Go for it,” Delta offered, the idea far less intrusive than it was when she first became a Dungeon. Sharing information with her systems just felt more normal now. She then felt the small existence that was Prim flowing over her. It was so easy to reach out and damage Prim because she was so new... undefined in her existence.

Nu was like a tangle of barbed wire that turned all his thorns away when she approached, but Prim was closer to air.

“I found a hobby!” Prim declared proudly. Delta shivered as it felt like Prim was using a tiny bit of her thinking space to place a system folder which unpacked itself. The thing was deep in the menus and Delta only knew Prim was interfacing with because even five folders out, Delta could hear the music.

Wait, Delta knew that music.

DUN dooo DUN dodododod DUN doooo

“This takes up surprisingly little space,” Prim praised as she lost herself in the game.

“What are you running that on?!” Delta asked in alarm.

“You.”

Oh.

“If you can’t have real violence, you’re going to settle on virtual violence?” Delta asked as she moved over to the next island.

“Most life is a simulation created by the ambient energies of the Brother and Sister and the Lost One. Oh, I can reset at any time! These beings cannot ever escape my wrath!” Prim laughed with a dark tone.

“Use the shotgun,” Delta offered with a bemused tone.

“...THERE’S OTHER WEAPONS THEN MY MEAT CLUBS?!”

As Delta touched down on the Fish Island, Prim shyly spoke up.

“I will finish this run with my meat clubs. I have grown fond of their ability to perform violence,” the system said and went quiet. Delta was now left utterly alone to do the making and creation.

“I can do this. I can make art and beauty,” she said with a proud nod.  She rubbed her hands together to make mana gather.

---

Nu floated in the water, working on sign blueprint number 2477. This one said something along the lines of ‘Don’t burn books or the books will burn you’ for the Third Floor. Sign making was soothing.

Telling people what to do without actually talking to them was a thrill. He felt Delta trying to do solo work and frowned. He searched and found a piercing death rattle of sound and screeching followed by Prim’s delighted laugh.

‘RETURN TO THE ABYSS, UNCLEAN ONES!’ she giggled as she had a massive techno-coloured screen playing ultra violent scenes of creatures being punched to bloody puddles.

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing something?” Nu loomed, usually finding his ‘looming’ made Prim behave. Prim shot him an annoyed look then punched him in the side.

Nu was so taken aback that he didn’t stop himself from floating out of Prim’s space where she slammed the metaphorical door in his face.

“Do not make me come in there and remove that thing from Delta’s system. I have stronger permissions than you,” Nu warned.

“I didn’t ask to be born, Nu!” Prim called over the noises. Hm, Nu would have to tackle this a different way. Prim was but a child really. Thankfully, training the Trinity Dungeon had prepared Nu for this.

“You know, since I have most of Delta’s public memories. I could tell you there is a sequel to your little game. Improved in many ways,” Nu said casually, leaning on the symbolic wall of Prim’s space.

“I can wait. I actually finish my projects.” Prim said back without much care.

Nu couldn’t be saddled with Delta when she was making so many insane islands.

“What do you want? Name it,” he said through the door, hiding his desperation. That was when Prim finally emerged, looking more solid than before. Less like thin air and more like a thin shell of light.

“We suffer together. Delta is too much for either of us alone. If she feels outnumbered we can convince her of many things,” Prim said and Nu could see the logic of that.

“But I don’t want her to feel miserable when working, that’ll put her off,” he countered.

“We must only remove the most inane or weakest of changes. A little nip there and a tuck here then we shall be providing the Dungeon with the BFG of threats,” Prim nodded.

“Unless she really wants them,” Nu said and Prim nodded slowly.

“I do not object to Delta’s fondness for odd choices. I just wish for more input,” Prim admitted and Nu knew that feeling far too well.

“Go back to your game. I shall handle the next island,” Nu said gravely.

“I must complete my 65th run with the handgun. I set the challenge that I can only move backwards to progress and disabled all forward motions. It makes fun,” Prim explained and vanished in a cloud of joy.

“You can shoot demons all day but you still won’t handle Delta,” Nu snorted.

“Demons can be shot. Delta’s ideas are forever,” Prim shouted back.

Touche.