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I need your input (Patreon)

Published:
2021-11-26 01:48:57
Imported:
2022-01

Content

I just received a Royal Road review, the first one in over a month. It was brutally honest.  I feel like I have written myself in a corner and cannot fix what the reviewer had problems with.

My plan is/was to have a pretty massive time jump to get her old enough to follow the army around.  To do that, all her magical training would need to come to a halt.  The biggest problem with following the military is that it locks her there as a “necessary resource.”

I like/want constructive criticism, and at this point, I’m wondering if I shouldn't start over with a new story.  I feel like I have become a better writer (at least from when I started), and I can avoid many issues I’ve created for myself.  Don't get me wrong, I’m not dead set on abandoning Violet. It is just tricky when my beginning chapters cripple me.  Changing the magic system isn’t reasonable at this point.

I have not thoroughly thought out my next story, but it will still be an isekai.  The route I’ll take, though, is having the MC take over someone’s body that had just died.  Many of the elements of Violet’s world will be similar but not quite the same.  I’ll rework the skill/magic system, and I’m not going to fiddle around with health bars or stats that don't matter.

Comments

Anonymous

I would be sad if you started over, because I like this story. However, if you don't have a vision for it going forward, maybe that is for the best. On the other hand, having Violet become a necessary resource and wanting to be free of it is a great conflict for the future. You certainly don't have to abide by the patreon poll if it presents problems you can't get find a way around either. The world you have designed is interesting, and I personally would like to see more of it. Its possible you could introduce another conflict before then to interrupt the training for a while. Or perhaps the military conflict could start unexpectedly and interrupt her training (maybe her dad is drafted and she joins the army to support him or something). I guess what I'm trying to say is that the review does have some good points, but there are definitely a lot of ways you could take the story to keep things interesting. Either way, I would be happy to keep reading

CHoobler

I think you just need to focus on plot instead of the system. When you make a system for a story you are kind of stuck with it unless you rewrite the entire thing, instead try reworking your plot points. • time skips are fine if done correctly it allows you to streamline some of the training, but you should have a chapter with an overview of what happened • as for the military, is it supper important for her to start important or can she start as a semi important Mage and work her way up, as for locking into a path you could just end a conflict as time served and move to a different arc say rewarding her with a scholarship to the mage school or rewarding her with noble standing and territory • if the military is also conflicting with some things you want to do why not do an adventure arc before hand (for examples if point towards Beneath the dragon eye moons ranger arc)

Athena Alexandria

It’s hard to know what advice to give without knowing the structure and plans you have for the story. But in general my advice is to focus more on characters and plot over the magic and system. Even the worst system can be resolved with likable characters

Anonymous

The negative review goes overboard, and it's possible that this story just isn't for that person. Alysara is a similar story in that it has mostly low stakes with a lot of growth (both of character and skill ups), and there is nothing wrong with an extended training arc. As for the military service, her complicity can be a major plot point. There are also many ways for her to leave, either being discharged, running away, or forcibly separated. The means depend heavily on how well the country's morals align with Violet's.

Just Graham

Start something new and come back if you feel like you can.

tibbish

The story is fine for the most part. All systems/tropes/plot devices/etc. introduce issues that eventually require some degree of retconning, plot armor, etc. They key is A) don't shove it in the readers face (that is don't make the issue part of a major plot point, its not clever or interesting and just bugs the readers) B) get it over with quickly and in a manner that makes the issue go away permanently and finally C) keep the rest of the story (plot, dialog, world building, etc) solid....and no one will care about the foibles. Truth is even the best stories out there, ones that won awards and sold millions, have these same issues too if you look closely enough...BUT it didn't matter because those authors followed those ABC's. If I was you I'd just time skip through most of her military time and have the story start up again at a point where she is fully established and "safe" to do what she wants. Keep the details of that hazy and vague but plausible enough that you can dribble them in as a back story. You get to do that sort've thing like, once, a book though! Its a rather brute force way to "solve" intractable problems not something you want to use all the time!!

EmmaLeia

Thank you for all of your responses. I am going to continue violet and frame up my second book in downtime. I'm not ready to give up on what I have started.

BeepBoop

The last paragraph is total bullshit in that review. Trivialising gulags and slavery as being 'demoted'...

Anonymous
>>72518117

Upon further reflection, I think the prose issue I commented on in the past contributed to why that person wrote their review, though they didn't articulate it. There are times when your writing feels clinical or detached from the events being described, which results in the reader feeling less connected to the characters. The main example of this is in the first chapter, when you were describing her family members in detail in the middle of a plane crash. Narratively I think your story is very interesting, but I can acknowledge that your writing style has some room for growth. This is an issue that can really only be solved through experience and constructive criticism though, so I personally would rather focus on using this story to develop than start a new one.