Roleplay & Identity Exploration (Patreon)

Roleplaying: By many people, this term is associated with games such as D&D, and other Tabletop, dice-based systems. The first image that pops to mind, traditionally, when one mentions Roleplaying, is the classic table of friends with a DM and character sheets at the ready, about to embark on some grand adventure. But that's not all Roleplay is.

Really, all it takes is pretending to be someone or something different for it to count as Roleplay. Playing in-character within an MMO, short little slice-of-life sessions with characters you like and appreciate, from OCs to AU Canons, from the most complex Cyberpunk campaign to a little kid playing House, there's something charming and attractive about adopting a different identity for a short period of time.

And while in many cases, that is all it is- A fun little time pretending to be someone else... The reflection on other identities, before returning to your own, the different expressions of said identity depending on the character... It's quite interesting, isn't it? How being someone else can actually inform us of how we, ourselves, actually are.

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What, you were expecting this to be Homestuck Classpect 'Roleplay'? No, no I'm talking about actual- Hey, wait a second, no, don't leave!

About a decade ago, I was very into a game called Roblox. While most people will now know it as the OOF game, a free game that offered you the chance to build your own worlds, and that was aimed to younger audiences, was a dream come true for little Roxy. I have very fond memories about this place before it went to hell with its changes and monetization, it is where I met my still Best Friend, it is where I came up with the concept for the Fantasy Setting I am working on, it is where I first heard about Homestuck from, and most importantly for the sake of this essay, it's where I first learned what Roleplaying was.

It started as little more than a Self-Insert. I went into this one game that was supposed to be a Fantasy World you built and played in, and all my character was was... Myself, as a Mage. No two second thoughts about it, no further or deeper ideas, but it was fun. It was fun to see what people were doing and trying to see what random adventures I could go in. It was fun to help others and try and help solve the issues they had with other Players in the server. Eventually, too, it became a hobby of mine to build intricate structures and villages with some underlying mystery or plot thread for people to find out as they explored around.

As I began to spend more and more time Roleplaying, I began to come up with other OCs. Various backstories, various powers, various different identities to juggle with and express interesting facets and characters I thought were fun or intriguing in some way or another. And while writing and communicating with others in itself helped me refine my English skills, I'd be lying if I said the very act of juggling all these different personalities together wasn't a formative experience of who I am today.

Of course everyone else has a different view or experiences on Roleplay, if they have any at all, but ultimately, what it provides you with is a Mask. A Mask that allows you to act in a different way than you normally would, or that allows to explore facets of your identity otherwise you have no outlet for. It's not unlike the Mask of Anonymity on the Internet. Many people insist that one shouldn't trust others on the Internet, with a separation between what's Physical and what's Online, you can never tell if they're telling the truth about themselves... But unless they're deliberately hiding who they are in order to trick others, I actually believe Anonymity actually does the opposite. A filter that erases most consequences, it makes people act how they would without any restriction imposed upon them. It reveals something deeper about their nature. If someone is being an asshole racist Online but seems nice in reality, it's not that they're "Oh, just being a dick because it's Online"- It means that they're actually an asshole racist who cares enough about their image to not show it in Public.

And in the same way, your characters are 'Masks' you hide behind, that allow various facets of your personality or various things you enjoy bleed through. Of course this doesn't mean you have to condone your character's actions or that you would the same if you were in their situation- Playing a Villain doesn't mean you want to watch the world burn. But unless you're forcing yourself to go through something unpleasant, there should always be something you enjoy during a scene. Seeking resolution to a conflict, interaction between characters, and more often than not, just enjoying the way some characters are.

Nowadays, I don't play as OCs as much as I did in the past. I have original characters, yes, but they're more concepts I enjoy that I've got in the backburner in case I want to do something more intricate at some point. I have started to focus more on playing Canon Characters these past few years. And little by little, I realized I began to gravitate towards specific characters, and specific ways of playing them. Of course, you cannot be 100% Canon-accurate all the time, but through repetition and experimentation, a small group of them became practically extensions of myself. Facets of personality I really enjoyed, ways of being that I wanted to emulate, I started to realize not just things I liked to do, but ways I wanted to be. 

Obviously, not every Roleplaying scenario I do is something deep and intricate that relates to my personal identity, hell, barely any of them if ANY at all are like that. But it is still something that has helped me define myself over time. It puts you in other characters' shoes and opens your mind to various mindsets and ways of acting you may not have considered before. It makes you interact with other people, and other kinds of people. It's an interactive exercise that lets you work together towards a single goal. And it allows you to remove yourself from your own body, craft a new persona or hide behind that of another character for a certain amount of time.

And it doesn't stop at simply finding things about your personality and how you want to be, either.

By exploring other identities alien to your own, of course you can realize that they were not as alien as you thought they first were. Looking back at the characters I have played in the past, and how I presented my Internet Persona for a long time, I had a much higher amount of female characters than male ones, and people tended to see and refer to me in a feminine manner at first glance. Once I came out as a trans woman, all of these interactions suddenly took on a new light, I had been channelling something that made me feel comfortable through Roleplaying for almost as long as I could remember!

Growth. Exploration. Expansion of your boundaries.

A nerdy hobby as they come, honestly, but a worthwhile one in every aspect I have experienced thus far. It helps your writing if you're invested in becoming a better writer. It's a social activity that lets you meet new people who like the same things you do. It bares your soul and lets you come to terms with various things you want to do and be.

It really is something fascinating to me. You'd think acting as someone else and hiding behind a character would prevent you from noticing the way you actually are. But Humans are such interesting creatures! Our wills, our personalities, our desires, they bleed through even the hardest of masks, we gravitate towards that which we like and stray away from that which we don't. Given an infinite world of possibilities to be anything and do anything at all, we seek the comfort of what we actually want to be. Sure, maybe there's Magic or Dragons or weird things in this imaginary setting for our Roleplay- But our Soul remains there as a constant. Reflecting off of our characters, and back to us.

I really don't have much to say on this topic. Roleplay is something I hold rather close and dear to me. It's the reason I know the most important people in my life right now, it's brought me endless entertainment, inspired me to start writing on a broader scale, and helped me find out exactly who I am and what I want to do.

And if you have never actually tried to do it before, but are interested, then what are you waiting for? If you have a moment to spare, a friend that could be into it, a character you really enjoy, try giving it a spin.

Who knows, you could learn something completely new about yourself.

<3