A Message from the Student President (Patreon)

“Good afternoon. My name is Maxine Fisher, student president of St Louise's Academy for Girls. The headmaster asked me to record this video message so that I could address you, the school’s owners, directly. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my message.”

“As I am sure you are aware, the global environment is in a really sorry state. Our ecosystems are collapsing and many animals are on the brink of extinction. Although the list of worthy environmental causes is endless, it is the plight of one animal in particular that I wanted to bring to your attention. The naked mole rat is one of nature's most unique and wonderful creatures. Studying their unusual biology could lead to great advances in medicine including a potential cure for cancer and even a treatment for ageing. We must act fast to save these creatures from the destruction of their natural habitat.”

“I understand that your organisation funds our school and that you have considerable resources at your disposal. Although I do not agree with our incarceration here, or some of the demeaning uniform policies that your school enforces, I am willing to put aside my pride as a feminist and ask that we work together to help save an endangered animal.”

“In order to demonstrate our commitment to this cause and to encourage donations, I would like to organise a charity fundraising event. I was planning to organise a sponsored walk. However, the headmaster suggested that, since your organisation would be donating, you might like to suggest the nature of the fundraiser. If you would please take the time to consider this request I would be most grateful. I look forward to hearing from you.”

Dear Patron of the Educational Reforms Venture,

The mole rat is a fascinating animal, of that there can be no doubt. An old associate of mine did some interesting experiments using their DNA back in the early 80s, but I digress.

Our organisation has been known to donate to charitable causes around the world and we would be glad to help save these creatures. However, we cannot simply give the girls a large donation. That would deny them a valuable life lesson. They must be made to understand the importance of hard work. Maxine’s suggestion of a charity fundraiser is an excellent idea, as was her offer to let us decide the nature of the event.

I have taken the liberty of drawing up the following shortlist. Using the latest AI image generation technology I have also created some artist impressions of how these fundraisers might look. The actual events and participating girls may differ slightly from these previews. Whichever option is chosen I can guarantee a feast for the eyes. Our budding young photographer, Ada Cambell, will no doubt do an excellent job capturing the events for posterity.  Please vote for your favourite option below.

1. Naked Calendar

What better way to save the naked mole rat than with a naked calendar? Twelve seasonally appropriate images featuring our favourite students baring all for a good cause.

Since the film Calendar Girls, calendars featuring tastefully posed hidden nudity have become an extremely popular way to raise money for charity. So much so, in fact, that it has become something of a cliche. If the girls want us to part with our money then we would expect them to come up with something more original. Perhaps we should insist the girls put a new spin on this tired format by featuring full uncensored nudity. I am certain this way they will have no trouble raising all the money they require.

In order for Maxine to convince her friends to expose themselves on camera, an element of deception may be required. Will Maxine be willing to betray her fellow student’s trust to save an endangered species?

2. Charity Car Wash

Young women getting wet and dirty while washing cars is a traditional way to raise money for a good cause. The school is in a remote area only accessible by train, as such, there are no cars in the immediate vicinity. However, this is not an insurmountable obstacle. We can allow the girls to travel to a nearby town under the supervision of the headmaster and the school's security guard. If we pay the area a visit, the girls will find no shortage of wealthy patrons needing their cars cleaned.

Perhaps we can also make things a little more interesting by offering a prize to the girls who raise the most money. I wonder how far they would be willing to go to win with the right incentive.

3. Charity Auction

In a traditional charity auction, the organisers offer prizes such as gift baskets and days out at local venues. As the nation's wealthy elite, such prizes would be of little interest to us. Perhaps instead the girls can be convinced to part with personal items to the highest bidder as part of an anonymous online auction. It will be interesting to see what the girls are willing to part with or what they will do for sufficiently high donations. I understand that dress code-compliant white cotton underwear are fetching a very high price on the school's black market. Perhaps these items can be made even more valuable with the availability of these items reduced even further.

4. Sponsored Outfits

Allowing the students to wear unusual clothing to school is a very common way to raise money for charity. However, this usually means the girls themselves bring in donations to be allowed to participate. Since we are the ones providing donations, instead we can offer to sponsor girls to wear an outfit of our choosing.

Maxine says she is willing to put her pride as a feminist aside to save an endangered animal. Perhaps we should put that claim to the test by sponsoring her (plus whatever friends she can convince to join her) to wear a series of outfits to school, each more humiliating than the last. Ultimately, for the naked mole rat, there can be only one "outfit" that really encapsulates the essence of this creature. One might also say that a defining feature of the animal is its lack of any body hair. In a show of solidarity with these unfortunate creatures, we would expect the participating girls to be cleanly shaven. For a sufficiently large donation, how could they refuse?

5. Naked Fun Run

Traditional fun runs involve gathering sponsorship to run a relatively short distance. Often the participants wear silly costumes and the focus is on having fun rather than competition. The naked fun run is a more recent variation and is often used to raise awareness of good causes as well as to promote body positivity. In this case, the girls would be raising awareness of the plight of the naked mole rat with a midnight run around the lake. Whilst the girls will be expected to wear as little clothing as possible, body painting will be strongly encouraged.