Quality (Patreon)

"I just want it to be my best work."

     This is probably the worst thing I tell myself during my creative process. Every time I do A piece with a lot of potential gets stuck on the metaphorical back burner and almost never sees completion. I'm currently sitting on a pile of art, stories, and commissions that stretches back almost a decade because I lost confidence in my own ability as I was working on them. This is my perhaps my greatest fault at least, as an artist. What's worse is that I often find myself drifting into negative thoughts because, "I could've created something great back in my 20s" but didn't because I let my own manufactured pressure get to me. 

     What I've been trying to do lately is identify the process of how I get to this position in the first place. I've found that I've actually been having doubts as soon as I put pencil to paper. As such I'll start posting "WIPs" to friends, or on Twitter, or on Discord in order to gauge reactions. The problem with this is two-fold. On one hand, I rob the viewer of a genuine reaction or surprise. On the other hand If I don't get the reaction I was hoping for or critique, it can send me down the trail of, "you were never good enough." This is unfair for many reasons. All this does is tell me that I've let viewers and algorithms have power over me and stunt my growth instead of building confidence and skill in my own work.

     I honestly don't know how I'm going to rectify all this. I think I have a few options. What comes of it, only time will tell. I just wanted to write this down as a cautionary tale. Focus on building yourself and don't let exterior influences prevent you from growing. 

     The time will never be perfect. The water will never be just right. The weather will never be ideal. You have to get your ideas out and let them succeed or fail by their own merit. If they succeed, great! If they fail, then learn from it and try again."

"Never stop growing."