Low Libido? 5 Non-Sexual Ways to Feel Close (Patreon)

Hi cutie!

A lot of people are reaching out to me, feeling frustrated about sex right now. Specifically, feeling a low libido, or just being "off" sexually with one or more of their partners.

While it can be tempting to go the all-or-nothing route (either mechanically going through the motions of sex, or just avoiding sex altogether), there's a spectrum of middle-ground responses that can help during these times.

So, I've compiled 5 non-sexual ways to feel intimacy when your libido is down. And since not everyone has a partner, or has access to their partner(s) right now, I've included options for solo activity, as well.

NOTE: Some of the terms I'll use have overlap with BDSM, but this is not a post about BDSM / kink. These suggestions are intended to be low impact and low risk. However, if you notice you enjoy it, definitely research the more extreme versions available in BDSM.

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1. Pressure Play

Compression is a lovely way to feel held and secure. (But if you're claustrophobic, be mindful, because it could have the opposite effect.)

Together: Compress their leg muscles with your hands, moving thigh down to ankle. Don't massage, just press with both hands flat and firm. Gradually increase intensity each time. Squeeze their ankles, soles, arches, balls of the feet, and toes. (Edit: moving in reverse is great, too, from ankle up to thigh!) Repeat with their arm muscles, moving bicep to wrist, hand to fingers, and back up again.

Solo: Sit with legs straight out in front of you. Compress your left leg muscles with your hands, moving thigh down to ankle (or as far as feels comfortable), and back up again. Repeat with your right leg, then cover both in the blanket. Lay down, and repeat with your left arm, then your right arm. If you have a thick or weighted blanket, it can feel nice to end with full-body compression.

2. Texture Play

Together: See what's available around the house. Use ultra-soft fabrics to slowly brush the top of their chest, neck, and lips. Take a metal fork to gently graze their lower back, moving slowly up to the neck and head. Stand with them in water, sand or on astroturf, wiggling your toes. There are so many ways to delicately stimulate the senses. Have fun with it.

Solo: Any of the above, just for yourself. Savor each sensation. Get creative.

3. Heat Play

Be mindful of the temperature. Avoid creating anything too intense without proper training.

Together: Dab hot sauces on their hand or arm, and slowly taste them. Have them do the same. Capsaicin really wakes up the senses. You can boil thin wash cloths in water with drops of tea tree oil or lavender oil. Strain them and let them cool a bit, then apply the warm scented hot towels to their face, shoulders, or lower back. If you have experience with wax candles or hot stones, try using them without escalation into sex. They can be fun on their own, not just as foreplay.

Solo: DIY hot towels, as described above, are the shit. I do it for myself about once a week, just to feel like a queen. You can also put warm / hot water in a bowl and soak your hands in it, then press your warm hands on your face, chest, abdomen, legs and feet. If you have a heating pad, wrap it around yourself or snuggle up with it. (A cheap make-shift alternative is putting dry rice in a cotton sock, tie it closed, and microwave for 5-10 seconds. Boom, instant heating pad.) 

4. Ice Play

Together: Take turns trailing an ice cube up their arms, down their spine, down their chest. Wrap an ice pack in a dry towel, and press it against their chest briefly. Have them do the same to you. These can be simple ways to stimulate the nervous system, while also practicing trust with your partner. 

Solo: Trail an ice cube up your leg, from ankle to thigh, and further up if you feel so inclined. Drift it from the belly to the chest to the top of your throat. Move slowly, and notice every sensation. Rub the ice on your lips, and circle it on your face, from chin to cheek to brow and around.

5. Slow Dressing / Undressing

Together: Stand facing each other (full nudity is optional), and pick what they will wear. Let them pick what you will wear. Then slowly guide each piece of clothing into place, appreciating their body and the trust they've given you. Stand still, and offer them the same trust. To undress, it's (of course) the same but in reverse. And you can stop at any time. No need to get fully nude.

Solo: Stand in front of a mirror (full length, if possible). Slowly guide each piece of clothing on / off your body, appreciating each area. Notice how the fabric clings, glides, compresses, drapes. Consider how the skin feels different when it's covered, vs uncovered. Give extra care to the parts of your body you dislike. Act as if you love them.

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There are so many ways to connect with each other and ourselves. Listen to your body, and let the libido ebb and flow without judgment or condemnation.

I hope this serves. Love you.

xx

Morgan