まだショックから立ち直れていないです (Pixiv Fanbox)

I am not good with the poker face desu.

people always can tell what I have been thinking just looking at my face desu

my grandmother told me that [you make the same face like you first come here] desu.

I did not see the doctor yet but I think it not a fever desu.

with all that happen lately, it makes sense that I got stressed desu.

or it more like trauma desu.

there is some part of the story that I do not plan to tell anyone on the public desu.

even Stanel-san does not know about it desu.

because it too much pain that why I delete it desu.

RPG project is not my first agenda desu.

my first agenda kill me desu.

my first agenda is life for my lover desu.

maybe that why I jealous of people who can live with love,

maybe that why I turn into an NTR lover desu.

[but rape content is have nothing to do with this ne]

because I know what it likes to be crazy for love desu.

it more powerful than anythings desu.

and I already know that I would never return to that state again desu.

that why I give up on life and plan to end my life desu.

all that happens while I am at the college desu.

that also the reason why I want to try to find a new purpose in life desu.

and that when I realize drawing and storytelling skill is always with me desu.

that when I plan to be Manga writer desu.

but the professor is the one who teaches me about freedom

and awakens me to accept my true desire desu.

Pixiv reqeust give me a hope desu.

and when they took that hope away it just shocks me desu.

I do not plan to depend on donations

but it different story If you put your hope on its success desu.

when the first donation is complete that means it will give a credit to the next donation and if this donation occurs more than 3 times that why I am feeling down desu.

I refuse to accept that I still shock about that desu.

that why pretending to be not hurt by it

and keep working like nothing is too hard for me desu.

I know now why I feel sleepy and tried so easy

because I still shock desu.

I really do not know what to do desu.

I understand now that it not Pixiv fault desu.

I just want to blame it on something desu.

it's my fault to not think it more cleary desu.

at a time like this, I want to be strong like my lazy brother desu.

how that guy always has to poker face and not feel down at anythings ne.

in short,

that why right now I not in the good mood

and not in the right condition to work or make any big decisions desu.

reading a book a novel and learn a language, it feels better desu.

just, I not in the condition to developed CG or think about RPG project desu.

for people who not happy about this please inbox me ne.

I really sorry about this desu.