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we already at part 4 here, so i'll keeping track by saying part number to keep track. and i'm sorry, it seems my painting instinct get better to me again so i am overdoing the render... i hope you can enjoy this road of artsyle experiment of mine.. ---------------------------------------------------------------- PART 4 Readying herself to step into the torii gate, Ayane walks forward to be enveloped by its thick fog. Walking through with shut eyes, Ayane eventually peeks open to find herself in a new part of the cave. She looks ahead to note its dungeon-like design, yet it seemed to be mostly flooded. Then suddenly, Ayane felt a chill rush through her, as she felt a startling presence of something appearing right behind her. She froze up on the spot, unsure of what to do, let alone turn around to see what it even was. From the side of her view, she sees a ghastly, pale white hand point forward. It felt like it was suggesting a direction for Ayane to go towards. The ghost disappeared into the air quickly after, leaving Ayane with a moment to process what had just occurred. Figuring some sense of direction is better than none, she decides to go forward in the direction the ghost pointed towards. As she walked forward along the path, the water level slowly rose up with each step taken. The path started going downward, causing Ayane's body to sink further in as she progressed. It eventually comes to the point where Ayane knows that the only way to continue is to fully dive underwater. Sweat drips down her face, as she is nervous about diving into unknown depths in such a vulnerable state. With a deep breath to calm herself down, and to take in for the dive, Ayane slips beneath into the water. Blurry vision takes over Ayane’s sight, as the lack of eyewear would normally do, yet she can still determine what’s ahead for the time being. Although, as Ayane tries to get adjusted, she ponders about the way she should approach swimming up ahead… story credit : https://twitter.com/UW_Taiki --------------------------------------------- another route for you guys https://strawpoll.com/61gDmwl8zZw ----------------------------------------------- we plan to add status screen and air gauge maybe for next part.. not sure if we can play more with it. but we can always try something new... ------------------------------------------------ What do you think of this collab so far? What do you think about the plot, the art style, or anything? please discuss it in the comments so we (me and Taiki) can improve more on this.

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孤傲的小龙

已经感觉到冷得起了鸡皮疙瘩

Kurogiri

Looks good, I am just expecting the ending has both good and bad. :3

Anonymous

While I hope people take this a little more seriously and not go totally for the "horny" route for lack of better words, the plot still seems to be in a good direction, although you may be progressing the plot somewhat rapidly with an introduction of supernatural elements within four parts prior to what was a normal atmosphere. Perhaps a calm moment or a defined "safe area" we can recognize will help adjust the pacing. The status gauge and air meter will be helpful in the future, personally so the vote doesn't overextend. The art style is plenty fitting for what it is focusing on. Though, should the voting require peering into the illustration's finer details, a lighter background to the dark surroundings would suit it better. Overall, I was engaged from the start and have high hopes! Good luck!

Anonymous

Additionally, I prefer to try and protect Ayane from risky decisions.

thekill

\o/ praise the lord !

delta

I love how you did Ayane's expression on the bottom left panel on the second page! Truly a masterpiece if I ever saw one

rou271

ahh riight, fast-paced plot... we need to find a a good pace, since this only updated only 3 or 4 pages each month... it'll took too long if i slow down the pace... but the fast pace made people introduced too many new information.... we'll think about it... the right amount of pace which is not too slow but not too long as well...

rou271

thank you for the detailed criticsm and suggestion! i really appreciate it since we both newbies at this... and also thank you for the high hopes, i will try to make it to your expectation... ^^

rou271

loool, i was inspirated from this (last page) https://twitter.com/AngryNum/status/1383780075665956868 it still give me goosebumps when i see it again...

Anonymous

About the pace and content of the plot.Everyone's opinion is different. Maybe the number of people who voted and the number of likes is a good reference.You can try different things,then you can gradually know the preferences of most people in the exploration. But it's your comic anyway, and you can't satisfy everyone.

Anonymous

I would recommend thinking of the situation as though you were Shitani-san in the same setting. If you would find yourself confused in the setting as well, it may need a rethink. Plus, take into account the progression. It goes from -attempting to save a drowning woman -becoming lost searching for the drowning woman and ending up in a cave -discover a large Torii gate in the cave and a strange ball enters Shitane-san followed by gusts of wind -Pass through the gate in a wall of fog and a spirit appears behind Shitane-san, guiding her. Within three parts it enters the confirmed supernatural but prior it could be considered rather tame and normal for a story. Not to say it is bad. It can still work just fine. I would simply recommend allowing the supernatural side to explain itself and uncover some of it's mystery for the readers to understand and choose to either trust or reject.

Anonymous

The act of letting the supernatural things explain themselves is part of the journey for the reader indeed, that much we can reassure. I also would like to remind you that it is a decision based project based on the community vote for the route. Chances to settle down and slow things a bit did present themselves, yet the majority decided to take the other decisions that allow other events and details to come through. Perhaps other things were planned to be revealed if the other route was taken. That's what these are after all, routes. Obviously we are not going to leave the reader left in the dust if they ever miss something, as they can come back to relevant in later parts. Also your point about it being presented as a rather tame story makes little sense to me. The first two parts of the project presented the sudden change in environment that helps push forward the agenda that strange things are happening, it was never meant to be misguided, nor normal.

Anonymous

we very much appreciate your feedback regardless, but we ask the you please refrain from suggesting direct ideas related to anything we ask for comments on. We are aware that we can't satisfy everyone but we are doing our best to bring a fun project that we all can look forward to everyone month!

Anonymous

it is hard with the expectations of a lot of different people indeed! the gauging of general audience preference may take awhile to grasp, but we hope regardless many will be satisfied with the product as we continue to work on it!

Anonymous

I understand. All I can say is I have said my piece, regardless of how it is given. I agreed that last reply was in hindsight, asked for too much, rather than offering feedback. I am not skilled in criticism. But I enjoy the story and wanted to express it in some way. I apologize for any upsets along the way.

Anonymous

Love the expressions here, and just want to say I love how vague the choices are! You could argue the positives and negatives for both. Swimming swiftly seems like a good way to make sure she reaches air or safety, but it also means exerting her energy which can be a problem. Conversely, taking the slow and steady route means conserving her air and being more aware of dangers, but of course means it will take longer to reach a potential air pocket/safety. I don't think you need to really overexplain what is happening here, it's sort of spooky and mysterious, and it leaves it open for all sorts of peril (or non-peril!) situations. Whatever happens, can't wait to see what ending(s?) we get.

Anonymous

Thank you! I am glad you to hear you considered the pros and cons of the decisions! Being able to give yourself the chance to think about these possibilities in such a way can be really fun. Happy to hear you're enjoying the mystery too!

delta

Personally I think that you did the expression better then the reference which you showed me. As in your drawing the character did look much more horrified. Like she had literally seen a ghost :)