Apology and some updates, words I want to say (long) (Patreon)

Hey friends! Thank you for another month of support! The image is a WIP Celestia. I've been drawing this one for a long time but unable to finish it, and with that fact, here's some thing about me I want to let all of you know.

1. I apologize for no update for a month. The truth is I've been very frustrated and demotivated about my drawing work. 

2.Most of the time I can not finish my pieces, or even continue to draw. I feel like at some point I become unable to put out a piece I'm happy with. Most of the time my drawing turns out to be rushed, failed, uncharming and pointless. Maybe some of you guys will look at them them and say they are fine, but the point is I myself stop to feel happy about what I have drawn.

3. The worse thing is, after I "finished" those unsatisfying works, I couldn't help but start to spend a lot of time to redraw them, a lot of time. And most of the time I still failed to make them better or at least make myself be happy with them.

4. In other words, either I couldn't finish drawings, or I would spend (WASTE) a lot of time redrawing things but failed eventually while getting nothing in return. This is the situation I've been in for the months and the reason I haven't update for a long time. 

5. At this point I start to think It's the internet (mostly patreon) that makes me feel more stressful about drawing  and is the reason of why I'm being in this kind of bad situation as well. Please don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate you all of your support here and have zero intention to blame any of you for being with me here. It's just that this monthly update start to make me rush things without satisfying results, and prevent me from slowly finishing thing which is the way I like when it comes to drawing.

6. Another bad thing is, I started to think about how my works will look on the internet pages when I draw, instead of how I want them to be like actually. Which may be another reason why I stop to feel good about my finished drawing.

7.I've thought of some solutions. First I want to focus on what I really want to draw without concerning how it will looks like on internet. Secondly I want to draw more quick-colored doodle like other artists, to prevent lack of content, even they are rough and unfinished. I'll make sure they are what I honestly want to draw at the first place, which will at least make myself happy first.

8. 2020 September pack has been sent, however I had some technical issue which stop me to send the November pack. (Patreon no responds with their bad message system. To be honest this site's bad design is another reason that give me the stress) I'll try send them another day!

Thank you for reading this long whining story. I really want to make drawing a fun thing again. And I truthfully appreciate all of you who not leaving me even when I'm in a slump/ less update situation but at this point I can't say "I'll do more drawing for you" honestly. Like I said my first priority will be drawing things I really like, such as thicc ass gals, ponies and maybe some my personal fetish things, to make myself happy about drawing again.

Let's see if things will get better for me. Love you all, and I wish you health and happiness!