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Technically a commission piece, but it felt right to post it here with the rest of the New Demon Lord chapters. The resident mage Mendel takes a moment to interview and study the house imps, Ritz and Skeetch, to find out a little more about them. Just a quick and easy bit of character study.


Things at the demon lord’s castle had started to get comfortable for the first time in over a century. Finn had multiple lovers amongst his staff, several of which were either pregnant or had already birthed some demonic spawn for him. A litter of full grown succubi were a huge help to his undead maid instead of a legion of skeletons, leaving the new lord and his curvy underlings the time to enjoy themselves.

Mendel was around as Finn’s magical adviser. Considering that he had one of the most magical items in the world, she had little to actually teach him but plenty to research. She had gotten used to heading to the spacious dining room table, finding a corner for herself and snacking heavily while she made her way through a stack of tomes.

It was never uncommon to find Skeetch and Ritz camped out at one end of the table. Their duties were unclear beyond Finn’s whims, so they stuffed their bottomless bellies with whatever magical feast was available that day. Mendel found it remarkable how much more food the demon lord was summoning than undead. She kept to her work, leaving them to their messy gorging and burping before her curiosity got the best of her. It was technically part of her research into the occult anyway.

Mendel approached the hungry imps with a thick journal under the halfling’s arm. She cleared her throat enough for Ritz and Skeetch to look up at her.

“Get your own,” Skeetch yipped at her.

“Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t here for the food. At least not your food… but I wanted to ask you both some questions.”

The imps looked at each other and back at her.

“Can we eat and talk?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. But I’m not gonna like it,” Ritz declared.

“That’s up to you, I guess. So let’s start with… what are your favorite foods?”

“Ooh. I’m back onboard,” Ritz quickly changed her mind.

“I love me some cake. It’s sweet and big and messy!”

“Meats… or cheese… maybe when they combine em both into a sandwich or somethin’” Skeetch pondered.

“You’re askin’ the tough questions right away. I like that.”

“Glad to hear. So when did you meet the master?”

Skeetch perked up at this one.

“OH! He came looking for us by name. He sent his ring to find us and was beggin’ for us to work for him.”

Ritz quickly caught onto the blatant lie.

“Ohhhhh yea. He said he couldn’t do it without us! He said he needed the strongest and sexiest imps in the world!”

“I see…” Mendal mused.

She jotted down their responses, making a little symbol to remind herself of the dubious quality of the claim.

“And when you say ‘imps,’ what does that entail? A lot of magical tomes mention them but they’re poorly defined. I assume most of them didn’t have a live-in demon to ask themselves.”

“It’s just kind of a special type,” Skeetch shrugged.

“We get the most important jobs. Stuff that keeps the underworld running while the boring guys on top just sin a buncha forms,” Ritz agreed.

“Do you mean they ‘sign’ forms?”

“I know what I said!”

“And what are those jobs exactly?”

“I mean… I’m technically a scrabbler. So y’know. I do scrabble things.”

Mendel stared at the demon long enough for her to realized that it didn't explain anything.

“So like… I go places where I’m not supposed to be. Tempting and corrupting stuff any way I can. Helps weaken and season the souls before we get ‘em.”

“And that’s why you can get around so easily,” Mendel observed. “And why Skeetch can fly.”

“Oh nah. I’m a whole different breed from this loser. I’m a gluttonous maw. I get to eat stuff.”

Mendel pursed her lips in confusion. “And that’s a thing that’s good for Hell?”

“Sure. I can fit whatever I want in my gut and convert that into all sorts of stuff. I can eat anythin’. Fish, dairy, candy, people, magic, memories…”

Mendel pursed her lips, considering the dangerous implications of some of those.

“And I can convert that into more magic, like the stuff I used to make more of the boss’ baby minions.”

She patted her overgrown belly proudly. Mendel just nodded rather than dissect all that right now.

“Aha… so what is the underworld like?”

“Pretty boring, really. And not as bad as you think,” Ritz snorted.

“Does that go for the souls down there too, or only from your point of view?”

“Eh,” Skeetch said with a dismissive tilt of her head.

“We didn’t work with the souls stuff too much. Imps do a lot of the actual work, so a lot of it’s waiting around until somebody summons you.”

“And not as many mortals are smart enough to call on the best of the best like us,” Ritz tacked on proudly.

“And is that where you two met? Working in the hells?”

They both groaned at the reminder.

“This fatass? She’s been a pain in my fat ass for half an eternity,” Ritz griped, jerking a thumb towards her fellow imp.

“Get real! You always got in my way and screwed things up!” Skeetch complained right back.

“Ha! I’ve never seen somebody who can fly that’s still so clumsy!”

Skeetch tossed a cupcake that splatted and stuck to Ritz’s cheek. She scowled back at her while her tongue extended, licking up the whole snack off her face. Ritz snatched up a slice of gravy-coated meat with her nimble toes and hucked it at Skeetch, letting it land wetly in her cleavage. The chunky imp growled back at her, even as she picked up and ate the meat off her sloppy tits.

“Perhaps going back to how you actually met might resolve this,” Mendel offered hastily.

The imps broke off their food fight to look back towards the halfling. They were quick to bicker and scrap with each other, but the idea of proving the other wrong was too tempting a bait left by Mendel.

“Well this was a long time ago,” Ritz began.

“Right. Half of eternity, was it?” Mendel checked as she reviewed her notes.

“Yea, somethin’ like that. I was doing my impish duties of sending messages and disposing of inter… uh, interloop…”

“We were eatin’ rocks!” Skeetch completed for her.

“And anybody else who was too slow to keep out of our way!”

“Some jerkass in the underlings division must have screwed up cuz we were put on the same route,” Ritz snorted.

“Yea! It’s their fault!” Skeetch gladly blamed somebody else without a second thought.

“Why is that so bad? Couldn’t you just go around each other?” Mendel asked, glancing up from her book.

“Of course not! It’s not that easy when you’re on purging duty!” Ritz snapped.

Mendel couldn’t help but doubt that it was that easy, but let them talk. Skeetch went on.

“So this slut-head goes and gets in my way while I’m eating! I don’t see her on the other side of some rocks we’re clearing, so my mouth runs right into hers!”

“You kissed each other?”

“BLECH!”

Both imps gagged at the sentence.

“No way! She just got her mouth and tongue on my mouth and tongue!” Ritz snapped.

“I see,” Mendel lied.

“So I tell Skeetch to back off, and she’s like ‘duh duh duhhh’ like-”

“I was not! You were too busy picking your nose with your gross monkey feet again to listen!”

“I was not, and they’re my ‘walkin’ hands!”

Mendel coughed to politely call for attention.

“So you two started off on the wrong… mouth, as it were.”

“Sorta. Then we started fightin’,” Skeetch added a bit more modestly.

“Oh?”

“Yea, it was epic. We were wreckin’ stuff all over the place. Chuckin’ stuff at each other and knockin’ each other around. By the time we got tired, we’d wrecked a whole wing of the underworld.”

Mendel made another note, mostly to remember that the underworld had “wings.”

“The bosses were super pissed, so they bound us together forever. That way we’d be forced to work together and get punished for not cooperatin’,” Ritz explained.

“Did it work?”

“Heck no! She still sucks!”

“Yea! She blows butts!”

Mendel nodded as they confirmed her suspicions. She’d have thought the hells would be better at punishing people than that.

“So when the boss summoned us, he lucked out and got two for one like that.”

“That actually explains quite a bit,” Mendel said, cracking a smile.

“That’s a lot for me to work with, so I think that will be all for now until I sort that out. It’s really quite interesting. I’ll have to ask the others when I find the time too.”

The halfling left a bookmark for herself and closed her tome. She hesitated as she eyed the imps’ heap of food. Even the clumsy mess it was in made her stomach gurgle

“Hey, you wanna bite?” Ritz offered, cracking a small grin.

“Me? Really? I could use a bite, I guess…”

“Great! Imp rules, though! Gotta eat what you can while it’s there!”

The two demons started wolfing down anything they could grab, making the briefly flustered mage hurry to grab some herself to catch up while she could.

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