Handbook of Erotic Fantasy: That’s Fuckin’ Team Work (Patreon)

Hey Artificer! How was it?

• Assassin: I usually prefer my males with a vibrate function. He had good fundamentals though. You can tell he’s done professional work penetrating supple flesh.
• Witch: Natural leadership potential? Check. Skull incorporated into her outfit? Check. Prehensile sex-toy wielding hair? Double check.
• Succubus: Tastes like cinnamon schnapps. After months at sea swilling grog, I would shave my own belly with a rusty razor for a chance at some sweet, sweet Fireball. I think I’m going to like it here.

Hey Assassin! How was it?

• Artificer: I’ve never learned to speak Giant. No real interest. But me and my crushed pelvis both want to know what “snu-snu” means.
• Witch: “Dark, twisted, and deadly.” I tell you, I did NOT care to have my ‘shadow dirk’ referred to in those terms.
• Succubus: To make love to a succubus is to walk a careful tightrope. Enjoy the act overmuch — give in to that impulse and let go — and you find yourself in her power. Fail to indulge at all, however, and you lose out on that sweet, sweet profane gift. It’s a real damned if you do, damned if you don’t, damned in general scenario.

Hey Succubus! How was it?

• Assassin: You can tell the taste of genuine evil. But when they hold back… It’s like someone used skim milk in your evil Frappuccino. It’s like, what’s the point?
• Artificer: It’s good to have another solid set of hit points in the lust pile. The smell of grog isn’t ideal, but the evil after-snuggles are like wrapping yourself around a big pink fuzzy comforter straight from the dryer.
• Witch: Gods I hate her. Gods she’s hot.

Hey Witch! How was it?

• Artificer: I don’t know whether she’s more into me or my skull-belt. Either way, game recognize game. Her fashion sense just took our branding to a whole eviler level.
• Assassin: I’ve had “ashen male in dark armor touched by planar energies” before. Only the last guy was Strength-based. And let me tell you, there are some things a nice Dex bonus just can’t compensate for.
• Succubus: Gods I hate her. Gods she’s hot.