Chasing the Sun (in Rhyme) (Patreon)

This was my first draft for Chasing the Sun. After I read it over a few times in front of the camera I realized I wanted to tell the story differently. Please check out my revised version of Chasing the Sun on my Youtube channel, then come back here to see how the story could have sounded. 

I've been chasing the sun for as long as I can remember,

When did it begin? March, June, or September.

All I know is the chase of the sun,

My heels on the road, my feet on the run.

I've past many places on my travels you see,

But I can't stop to smell the flowers or climb a tree.

I'm too busy giving chase to some glory and happiness unseen,

Mind numb, just following the light. No thoughts like a machine.

And so I gave chase passing every adventure that came my way,

Thinking tomorrow the sun will finally stop, and then I will seize what I may.

Tomorrow came again and again and again,

And I kept on chasing until the earth's end.

But then I stopped, and I looked around

Realizing the thing I sought was nowhere to be found.

What had I been chasing? What had I been searching for?

What had I given up for wanting of more?

I had given up adventures in the red canyons glow,

I had given up the chance to explore the gem covered cave below.

I had given up afternoons spent by the sparkling stream,

All of it and more because of some gleam.

From that very moment I knew what I had to do,

From that moment my sun chasing days were through.

So I left. Just like that, after all that time spent,

Reflecting on my time chasing and what it all meant.

Prepared to seize opportunity and adventure instead of the sun,

No longer chasing but living a dream, no longer on the run.

Let me know which you like better :)

-Amanda