One Chart for (Almost) All Forms of Non-monogamy (Patreon)

This complex chart was first published by Franklin Veaux in 2010 as a way to illustrate common non-monogamy relationship structures.

This chart is a lot to take in. Here are some quick, layman's terms examples of each differentiation, though it won't be comprehensive:

• Open Relationships: e.g."We can both sleep with other people, but we don't want to build romantic relationships with anyone else."
• Polyamorous Relationships: e.g."We have multiple romantic and sexual relationships concurrently." This includes a wide spectrum of structures, in and of itself.
• Poly/Mono Relationships: e.g."She wants polyamory, I don't. But I don't mind her dating or loving other people."
• Dating Around: e.g."I date a few people casually. Not looking to get too deeply involved with anyone, though." This is often a non-monogamous phase for people who consider themselves in pursuit of monogamy.
• Casual Sex: e.g."I only want sex, I don't have time or energy for anything more."
• Unicorn Polyamory: e.g."We used to be monogamous, until we met him. We don't know what happened, we all fell for each other." Triads forming this way can happen, and are lovely when they do. Most polyamorous people consider "unicorn hunting" to be a pejorative term and often harmful practice, though. A duo hunting for an individual can lead to singles feeling pressured, objectified or even preyed upon.
• Polyfidelity: e.g."We're a closed triad who only sleeps with and dates each other. No new partners."Another subset of this is Fluid Bonding Monogamy, where fidelity is defined not by how many sexual partners you have, but by how many people you have barrier-free sex with.
• Religious / Social Polygamy: e.g."As the patriarch of this household, I have a right to as many wives as the Lord pleases." Notice how this box has almost no overlap with the rest. Cultural polygamy can look a lot of ways. It's not always patriarchal or religious or even oppressive. (Before colonialism, a lot of indigenous communities had a form of polygamy that existed outside the rigid binaries of western gender constructs or marital definitions.) But in general, contemporary polyamory practices are considered separate from polygamy.
• Swinging: e.g."We're a married couple who has sex with other people, but only when at a lifestyle party together." Swingers are often considered to be in a separate community from polyamory, though there can be overlap. Swinging / "Lifestyle" parties are sex focused and not about building romantic relationships. Many swinging communities have conservative political views and still prioritize the nuclear family as superior to other relationship models, which is in direct opposition to most leftist polyamorous practice.
• Soft Swinging: e.g."Let's go to a sex party, but only have sex with each other." This is essentially a sexually and romantically monogamous practice, but still attending sexually non-monogamous events.
• Closed Group Swinging: e.g."We want to swing, but only with select people we know and trust." Rather than going to parties or big events, closed swinging groups will have smaller hookups with regular partners. (e.g. 2 or 3 married couples meeting at each others' houses.)
• BDSM Play & D/S Non-monogamy: e.g."She's kinky but I'm not, so she hooks up with her Dom when she wants that in her life." BDSM play has massive overlap with all forms of non-monogamy. It can be deeply integrated in committed romantic relationships, engaged with in a group or party setting, relegated to the periphery with casual sex only, etc.
• Con Sex: e.g."Whenever we go to a convention, all bets are off." Con Sex is a bit of a dated term, more considered to be a subset of swinging. Basically, cosplayers and niche-interest fan group communities will often have swinger parties during conventions.
• Commerce: e.g."I love to be peed on, but none of my partners want to do it. So I see a full service sex worker when I want it."
• Cheating: e.g."I found texts from their other girlfriend, who I never knew about..." Basically, cheating is anything that constitutes a secret, lie, or breaking of a boundary, regardless of relationship style.
• Don't Ask Don't Tell: e.g."He may have another partner, he may not. I don't know... I don't want to know."
• 100 Mile Rule: e.g."If I'm out of town, we agreed it doesn't count." This is a type of Don't Ask Don't Tell, with the stipulation that sex or love outside the relationship can only happen with geographic distance.

I'll note here that I don't endorse or support the last 3 points in the above list.

I would also add to this list:

• Relationship Anarchy: e.g."There is no forced hierarchy. No one outside our relationship can set rules that impose on our connection. We reject normative relationship roles and labels, only setting boundaries that we each ask for directly."
• Solo Polyamory: e.g."I consider myself to be my own primary partner. I will date and even fall in love, but don't plan to get interdependent, move in, have kids, or any other traditional relationship escalator goals."

There are infinite ways we can choose to embed ourselves in each other's lives. But for those seeking terminology to articulate your approach to non-monogamy, this may be of service.

With love,

Morgan